


After it all (fell apart)

by Eafee



Series: After it all [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Gen, Killing Game Was A Virtual Reality Simulation (Dangan Ronpa), Mentions of Suicide, Post-Game(s), Smoking, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24198172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eafee/pseuds/Eafee
Summary: 'Normalcy. Truthfully, Himiko had wanted normalcy from day one, but she never considered it possible where she was. Why did she decide applying for a killing competition would help? Well, that was something Himiko would very much like to have a conversation about with her sixteen year old self.'-Or-After leaving the virtual world, and concluding the events of the fifty third season of Dangan ronpa. Himiko is just trying to find a way to move on.
Relationships: Amami Rantaro/Tojo Kirumi, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko
Series: After it all [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746436
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	After it all (fell apart)

**Author's Note:**

> Update - in case you didn't read the tags, I just wanted to warn you that there are mentions of suicide in here. Also smoking- please don't smoke kids :).

_ Himiko felt it, a sudden, pulsating pounding in her chest. Her heart started beating, as if it hadn't been before. She could feel her lungs inflating and deflating, the end of every nerve tingling as she fumbled around in the darkness. _

_ She had just remembered; Who she was.  _

_ Himiko. Yumeno. _

_ Himiko Yumeno, the Ultimate-  _

_ With the sudden clinking of a metallic lock, Himiko felt her body sprung forward before she could even process what was happening. With a panicked squeal, her face planted into the cold hard floor. _

_ "My my, Are you alright? You fell rather harshly." _

_ Himiko peeled her squashed face from the ground with a huff of frustration. Looking up towards the man looming over her, glaring. She was immediately startled by his lanky physique, long flowing dark hair, and the leather mask covering up the lower half of his face. His eyes were distant, almost as if he were not entirely present. He was certainly off putting... _

_ Himiko should have known from the start… _

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


"Himiko… Himiko!" 

The girl was snapped back to reality- literally, by the clicking of Maki's fingers in front of her blurred eyes. She must have dozed off again, or gone into one of her dreamy hazes.

Over Maki's shoulder, she could see Shuichi. He was speaking to the other man in the room, one branded in Team Danganronpa staff badges and apparel, explaining the situation to him over again. 

Himiko recalled what it was they were talking about. Sending an Intern to the trios apartment, in order to deliver the news in person. It had been a little too late, since it had already been broadcasted all over the news for the last five hours.

Korekiyo Shinguji had been the first of the other participants to regain consciousness. It made Himiko snigger the first time she heard it. It seemed fitting, he was the first person Himiko met in there, and he was one of the only ones she still honestly despised to this day. Whenever she looked back, she could understand; everyone had a reason, behind what they did, a reasonable reason. Except for him. 

Yet out here, all the fangirls adored him, prayed for him. She bet those delusional fans were celebrating right now. For a god damned murderer-

Except, he wasn’t. That Korekiyo who woke up today, isn't the same one she knew. But something in her couldn't see him any different, from the perverted lunatic who took the lives of two of the most kind hearted people she had ever known.

When they were offered the chance to see him, Himiko very nearly stood up from her place at the breakfast table to accept. She wanted him to be held accountable. Explain everything, even though she truthfully knew he couldn't.

She knew, it was best that she didn't go near that building ever again. If she could help it.

Maki seemed not to care in the slightest, it was only Shuichi who hummed around the idea. Since the game ended, he had yet to move on. It was evident to both of his roommates how badly he was coping, he had been off his food and it was beginning to show, and it was a common occurrence to find him pacing around the halls late all hours of the day. Yet neither Himiko nor Maki had said a word, because Shuichi was reliable. He always had been. 

_ [Wrong shuichi. This guys a total mess.] _

Shuichi was quiet. Himiko supposed that he always was, but now it was different. When he did talk, it was always about the past. He seemingly revelled in telling Himiko about the childhood he shared. 

"When we were younger, she was incredibly shy, I often had to speak for her in conversations." 

Himiko nodded along. That didn't sound like Tenko at all. None of Shuichi's stories did. Or, well, it didn't sound like the Tenko Himiko knew. Yet, despite that, Himiko could imagine her perfectly, as if they weren't strangers at all. The same goes for the others in his stories, he lived in those memories.

… 

Himiko knew the Tenko that she knew wasn't real, these stories only served to further affirm that to her. They were an excuse not to think about it, the present reality. So perhaps, she was getting as much out of them as Shuichi.

Tenko wasn't real, and neither was that version of Himiko. They were complete strangers.

_ "... You're really weird, ya’ know." _

Having the memories of a stranger sure was an odd phenomenon, though. 

_ "Tenko is highly aware! Thank you!" The taller girl giggled along with her response. Seemingly flattered.  _

_ "That wasn't meant to be a compliment!" _

Himiko wasn't really sure whether Shuichi was making her feel better or worse reminding her of that person. But what she did know is that it made him feel better. Sometimes, getting to talk about her. It seemed, for a moment, he forgot all about what happened. Danganronpa seemed to completely escape his vocabulary in those conversations, and that brought a light to his eyes Himiko had never seen before. It seemed to be the only way to get him to talk about anything other than their experience last year.

There's only so much Team Danganronpa's neuroscience lab could do to your brain, apparently. For whatever reason, they could give and take what they want, but they just wouldn't help you forget the game or the time you spent there. It seemed like a bit of a cop out, if you asked Himiko at least. 

No- that's the stuff that they needed you to remember, for interviews and talk shows. They needed those emotions still instilled in you, so that you gave the right reaction for the camera. For the press.

There's only one thing, Himiko had been asked over and over about. 

_ The sound of wood creaking, and the girls despair filled gasp should have made her run over. _

_ But she just froze. _

_ Because she didn't want to know what was waiting behind her. _

_ That stupid tune, Kiyo was making them sing, she knew what was coming once it was over. Once the lights came back on. But she didn’t want to face it. _

Even now, the feeling that ran through her in that moment, she could recall it perfectly. The violent feeling that she felt in her stomach, and the way her lungs halted. Even though it was never real- the way she felt in that dusty old room- she could never forget. At that moment, she was terrified. Helpless.

But it wasn't real. 

  
  


\---

  
  
  


Himiko didn't know what to do with her time. She was yet to return to school, not that she planned to. The reward money that was split between her, Maki and Shuichi was more than enough to live off of comfortably for a long time. Not to mention constant donations from pitying snobs and obsessed fans. To top all of that off, they were given the rights to free accommodation for the next three years in a secure neighbourhood.

Quite frankly, it made everything seem pointless. Something the Himiko from that game had tended to think a lot, perhaps that was her influence over the person she was now. 

Today, Himiko lay lazily on the sofa, flicking through the channels mindlessly. A lock of maroon fell in front of her face, which she blew out only to fall back seconds later. 

Maki, as per usual, found this heavily frustrating to walk into, having come in for lunch and watching Himiko from the kitchen counter as she constructed some disgusting sandwich. 

"You need to get your bangs cut, Himiko."

Himiko looked up, as Maki pointed at her with the knife in her hand, she seemed to realise that she’d taken somewhat of a threatening stance, lowering her arm with a sigh of frustration. 

It was little habits, Maki definity wasn’t the only one. Every now and then, Himiko felt as if she was seeing those characters- those fictional versions of themselves come through. 

“Himiko? Can you hear me?”

In those moments, Himiko could see those characters. And those memories. It wasn't all that nice.

Himiko blinked harshly, snapping back from her haze and remembering where she was.

“...Sorry.”

It's not that Himiko couldn't be bothered. Though she supposed that laziness is what she's known for nowadays. But unless she wanted some messy muck up on her forehead, she'd have to go to a parlour to get her hair trimmed properly. That meant being in public for a prolonged amount of time, and that meant dealing with the people who recognise her-

People who act like she's some hyped up celebrity, or incredible Idol. All she did was watch her friends die on national television, and now she had to be reminded of it every time she wanted a breath of fresh air.

She stopped channel hopping as she saw that one series-the one with the dead boy in the lake and an abhorrent excuse for writing. Himiko remembers thinking it was pretty lame… She still does. 

She switched to the next channel, just to get that disgrace off her screen as soon as possible. This next channel was airing the news, and a familiar face appeared. 

'What a good week for fans of the latest season of Danganronpa-it seems only days after the last participant, fan favourite Kokichi Ouma has regained consciousness.'

Himiko heard the scoff come from Maki across the room, as she picked up the plates she had prepared heading over to the sofa. She plonked the sandwiches down harshly, dropping down onto the sofa as Himiko moved her legs away to make room for her. 

"... Turn it off." Maki said bluntly, as she set to eating her food. . 

With a groan, Himiko switched the TV off, sitting up and looking at today's 'quest' as it were. Maki was… a lot more motherly than most people expected, from the way she was in the game. Though, it seemed this was a result of her experience rather than a preexisting trait within her. Wherever it came from, it certainly didn't magically give her the ability to make an edible sandwich. 

Himiko supposed it was the effort that counted. Though honestly Himiko wondered how someone could screw up a sandwich so badly. Today was some sort of Jam and cheese. Not the most chaotic combination ever but It was still not something Himiko would ever do herself. The thing was that to even pick it up the sandwich completely fell apart, you ended up with a puddle of jam mixed with some soggy bread and a garnishing of shredded cheese. 

That being said, Himiko wasn't going to sit here and not eat the food Maki took time to make her, so she forced herself to get it down. 

"... If he really is awake, they're going to send someone over again."

"great." Maki mumbled under her breath, looking to Himiko "I'd rather they just left us alone."

It’s safe to say Ouma wasn't someone that Maki had a good relationship with. Correction, Ouma isn't someone who  _ anyone _ had a good relationship with. Period. In the game, he was set up as a trouble maker, an unpredictable trump card to cause drama and distrust in the group. Safe to say he did just that, and left quite the impression.

But in reality. He was someone else entirely...

Himiko knew she probably shouldn't have wanted to, but part of her wanted to visit him. At least, a little more than Kiyo. This time, for whatever reason, it felt like she realistically could… 

"I'm sorry." Maki apologised, wiping the jam on her lips, seemingly realising her visible tension "It's just. Of all of them…there are people who deserve their lives back more."

Was that fair to say? Himiko wasn't sure. It wasn't like she could say she had always seen his life of value. Maki certainly hadn’t, what with having shot him, twice. Despite the questionable morality of her sentiment, she understood what it was Maki meant. 

After all, why couldn't someone caring like Gonta wake up, or Kaede, or Angie, or Tenko… 

It wasn't fair. 

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Himiko didn't know what she expected when she returned to the phacility. It was exactly like she remembered, so much it felt eery. Almost haunting from how perfectly she recalled the place’s layout and design, how could she not. Everything was just as white and clinical as her memory. She didn't even need the security leading her to know where she was headed. 

Yet they led her to a door, a sturdy iron door with the smallest plane of foggy glass up just a little too high for her to see through, without getting up onto her tiptoes. There were dozens of doomsday-eske doors identical to this lining the hall, to the rooms in which each of her former classmates were held. 

Himiko entered Kokichis room, the air noticeably colder within. The windows were blocked by iron bars, for obvious reasons. However, an old, rusted fan sat in the far corner. As the blades span letting out a mechanical buzzing as well as a chilling breeze. That breeze feeling evading against her skin. Something about it felt so uncomfortable to her.

The door made a loud slam behind her as it closed. Her entire body jolting on its own, in response to the harsh noise. If the boy hadn't noticed her yet he definitely must have by then. His neck slowly coiled towards her, his entire body shaking as he slowly managed to face her. His every breath sounded painful, and hard for him to get in and out. As his neck creaked as if a rusted machine, Himiko felt the urge to look away. Still, she stayed put.

Himiko had been told beforehand to expect this. Apparently, having your body crushed into a mushy mess of nothingness, even in a virtual world, has crippling effects. The perception of his death being that way. All of his bones shattered and muscle crushed, rendered his real world body numb. Basically, he was paralysed, permanently at least from the waist down. 

It felt wrong. Seeing him this way. Himiko remembered him, the way he was in the killing game. Kokichi walked with such spring in his step, such unwarranted confidence radiating off of him. 

Now he looked weak. Frail and fragile. He seemed a lot timider, far more vulnerable. Almost like a corpse, lay limp and completely at the mercy of those around him. 

She felt pity for him, of all people. 

"... Please. Don't look at me like that." he croaked out, with pain in every word.

Himiko didn't know what to say back. Even if she did, she wasn't sure she would be able to get the words out. 

"Didn't expect you'd want to see me." he let out a hoarse chuckle, swallowing down hard to try and clear his throat afterwards. "I get that you probably wish it wasn't me in front of you right now."

He was right, Himiko wouldn't deny that for a second. Pretty much anyone else would have been more comforting to see again. Whether this was the same Kokichi or not, her memory of him was all she knew of the face in front of her. 

"Did you want some sort of explanation? Answers for my actions?" he asked "I'm afraid, I don't know a single thing I can say about all of that."

Of course he couldn't, it was stupid of her to even consider the fact that he could tell her any truths that she didn't already know. It's not like she could explain her actions either. Because it wasn't actually Himiko who participated in that game, nor was it Kokichi.

_ “Tenko’s case is meaningless. You didn’t give two shits about Tenko when she was alive.” _

"You know. You really ought to say something. All your doing is staring." Kokichi noted "That isn't all that polite."

And yet, Himiko had nothing. What a waste of time. She felt like an idiot. Until something came out almost on its own. 

"I feel like I should hate you."

Kokichi’s expression didn't change all that much. Perhaps he had expected it. Or perhaps he simply didn't have the energy. 

"... I wouldn't blame you."

Himiko looked away from him, she couldn't face it anymore. Reality. What had become of this figure she once knew. A villian, turned broken doll… Was it fair he ended up this way? Why did she feel like this was his comeuppance, like he deserved it. She had been telling herself non stop she and that Himiko weren't one in the same, should it not be the same for Kokichi. Or was it really just her selfish denial-

All these feelings, these conflicting memories were too much to handle. 

Fight or flight seemed to kick in, and she gunned it out of the door, letting it fly open. Himiko stormed her way down the corridor, finding a wall to lean against whilst she regained composure. What a scene she'd just made. Talk about making a show of yourself. 

It was only as she calmed down, Himiko noticed she wasn't alone in the hall. In front of her stood a blonde woman, medium height, rosy bright cheeks and Lilac eyes-

For a second. Himiko saw something strange, a different hallway from the clean white one she had just been in. It was unmistakable, the overgrown shrubs and dusty old floor, and in front of her… Kaede. 

Himiko’s heart started to beat fast.

But no--Kaede was dead. Himiko saw her die. She remembered it so well. How could she forget? 

_ The silent screams as the rope tugged her to and fro like a rag doll. The pianist desperately clutching her neck trying to breath, life slowly edging further out of her. Until her arms grew limp, and she stopped fighting.  _

Why was Kaede here? Why was Himiko here? This was supposed to be over, long over. If Himiko was back here, that means she was-

No. This was too much. As Himiko blinked, she was brought back to reality, but the images were still there. The lifeless bodies she remembers so vividly, the smell, the sickening sounds. It's all she could think of-

The constant fear. Distrust of everyone around her...and grief. Exhausting.

Himiko felt her throat convulse, a dizzy feeling overtaking her as the contents of her stomach leaked out to the floor. 

It was less than seconds later Himiko felt the weight of her body collapsing to the floor, everything going black. 

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Light returned to Himiko all at once. Blinding her as she began to regain consciousness. She was on a bed, a hospital bed, the sound of nearby monitors and machines bleeping all too familiar. 

"Your up, huh." 

Himiko turned her head, to see Maki leant against the wall, jumping forwards upon seeing her open her eyes. Shuichi stood next to her, but he seemed to have not noticed Himiko was awake up until this point. To which he gave her a sympathetic smile. This told Himiko all she needed to know, Maki's wrath was coming...

"You should have told someone you were coming here."

"Your not my mother, Maki." Himiko spoke, trying to sit up, only to get halted by Maki gripping her shoulders, a little too harshly.

"Not so fast, you need to wake up properly first. They said you were in a right state."

That's right, Himiko remembered. She had lost consciousness after running away from Kokichi’s room. After she saw-

"Kaede. Where's Kaede?" She yelled, causing Maki to hiss almost instinctively. 

"Kaede is... still in her Comatose, Himiko." Shuichi explained from over Maki's shoulder "... You remember that, right."

It seemed Maki had recalled something or another, as she released her tight grip on Himiko. 

"It was Kasumi who found you. That's Kaede’s twin sister." she turned to Shuichi as she explained, "Do you think there was perhaps a misunderstanding?"

“Wait...Kaede’s twin?”

Shuichi’s attention then turned from the red head, throwing a dozen questions about this girl she had apparently collapsed in front of. 

So, Kaede actually did have a twin? 

Himiko just watched, As Maki and Shuichi tried to talk over what happened. She felt some guilt, having forced them to come here to look after their poor excuse for a roommate. She felt bad to have worried them. Damn, it was like having a pair of concerned parents on her back. She was still in that dependent child role, and it felt pathetic.

_ [Never again] _

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


After an awkward car ride home, Maki had forced Himiko to rest on the sofa, as she prepared some long awaited ‘food’ for the household. 

After eating… Whatever that was Maki had made them, one of them- whoever it was, Himiko didn't remember- had suggested putting on a film. And so the three of them all huddled up in the centre of the sofa, Himiko having gotten her most warm, fuzzy blanket to wrap over them. 

"We're not watching another thriller tonight, Shuichi" Maki protested, pretty much as soon as the idea of a film was suggested "How about an action film?"

"They're too over the top, I'd rather not." Shuichi rejected Maki's idea back. 

It was Himiko, who then made her suggestion over the other two's petty bickering "How about a horror film?" 

It was that night, Himiko learnt that Shuichi couldn't stand horror. It wasn't that much of a surprise. And, despite being the one who suggested this, it turned out Himiko had underestimated her own jumpiness. 

Every jumpscare had her on edge, the unpredictability making her tremble in suspense. 

It was probably not even that intense a movie, something about some creepy chick, who hadn't ever heard of conditioner creeping out of screens, pretty stupid really. Yet the darkness of the room, mixed with Himiko's own admitted cowardice made it unbearable. Still, she sat, pretending everything was fine…

And then there was Maki. Who had fallen asleep out of boredom within half an hour. 

Eventually, Shuichi paused the film. Much to Himiko's admitted relief. 

"I'm sorry, I can't take this anymore."

"Neither. " Himiko agreed. 

Shuichi then switched off the television, turning to Maki beside him. Her breathing slow as she let out a quiet snoring with her exhales. 

"She's so peaceful…" he whispered, as Himiko nodded. 

"I know. You wouldn't believe it if you saw her awake." Himiko chuckled, receiving a light pat of disapproval across the arm from Shuichi. 

Even so, there were a few moments where the two just sat in silence like this. Watching Maki as she slept. Creepy as it was, Shuichi was right. For once, she seemed so calm, so unburdened. Himiko wondered what she dreamt about… 

Shuichi, though quietly, turned his attention from her towards Himiko. "I hope you're feeling alright, after today."

"Thanks." She responded "It was nothing."

"I mean… I wouldn't say that." 

Shuichi was right. It wasn't nothing. Truthfully, Himiko was yet to fully comprehend what had happened. She knows what she saw, how she felt… how real it was, and how it led to her releasing her guts up onto the hospital floor. But, it still felt like such a blur, it all happened so fast… 

Those images… Kaede...hanging there… They still wouldn't go away… 

Himiko hesitated, momentarily, before she spoke. "Shuichi, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How do you feel about Kaede?" 

It was something she wanted to know. It was something she had wondered for so long, even in that game. Yet never taken the opportunity to ask. 

Shuichi seemed taken aback, as if he didn't know how to word his answer, instead, he gave her a follow up question. 

"How do you feel about Tenko?" 

"... Huh?" 

All of a sudden, Maki let out a sound. It startled Himiko, as well as Shuichi. It took them a moment to both realise that this sound was of pain, from her breathing growing heavier, and her sudden restlessness. 

Both Himiko and Shuichi looked to one another, unsure as to what to do. Something in Himiko told her she shouldn't interfere, and Shuichi seemed to feel the same way. But the way Maki was, it was hard not to. 

Should they wake her up? Wait for her to calm down? 

But then, Maki slurred out a word-a name, through her unconscious panic. 

"Ka-ito!" 

That name. It was all it took to clue Himiko and Shuichi in. Exactly what was happening… 

It was seconds later, Maki's eyes burst open, Himiko and Shuichi still sat directly in front of her. 

Though half asleep, she looked at them both, clearly confused. Once she'd established where she was, and why, she still looked somewhat puzzled, and then concerned. 

"... Why are you crying?" 

  
  


\---

  
  
  


Himiko found herself particularly restless that night. In all honesty, sleep wasn’t always easy for her at the best of times. But tonight she was struggling more than usual, and she could think of a multitude of reasons why.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been laying there, trying her best to stop the thoughts racing around her head and relax. But nothing was working. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get those nagging thoughts to shut down, once she stopped thinking about one, she then bounced to another. Whether it was about Kaede, the girl who looks like Kaede she apparently thought was Kaede, that horrible movie, Maki’s nightmare...Shuichi’s question. 

It was one of those things that was bugging her the most, why it kept coming up along things much more significant, she didn't know. After some time, Himiko reached out her hand blindly in the dark, feeling for her phone.

Once she retrieved it, Himiko hissed as her eyes burned at the sudden blinding light from the screen, quickly lowering the brightness to make it a little more bearable for her. As she clicked into her messenger app, she selected Shuichi’s contact, and started Typing.

**_Himiko:_ **

**_Are you still awake?_ **

After waiting for a moment, she received no response. Himiko assumed that she wasn’t going to get one, but as she was about to put her phone back down, it buzzed.

**_Shuichi:_ **

**_Yeah_ **

**_What's up, Himiko?_ **

Himiko considered for a moment whether it was worth getting up and asking Shuichi directly. However, she didn’t want to risk waking up Maki again.

**_Himiko:_ **

**_What did you mean before?_ **

**_Shuichi:_ **

**_Sorry, what do you mean?_ **

**_Himiko:_ **

**_When you asked me how I felt about Tenko._ **

Himiko immediately regretted asking, especially since Shuichi seemed to hesitate in responding, it took him over a minute to begin typing a response. Though it was such a short time, it was enough for Himiko’s heart to beat fast in suspension at what he would say back. 

**_Shuichi:_ **

**_I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable._ **

**_I don’t want to assume you felt a certain way, but honestly._ **

**_I think we both know she did._ **

Himiko was conflicted about how to reply, until she made the connection.

**_Himiko:_ **

**_And so that’s how you felt about Kaede?_ **

After a minute, Himiko assumed Shuichi may just message her back in another. But that other minute soon turned to ten, then to thirty, and by an hour, Himiko had given up.

It was only once she woke up the next morning, she read what he had eventually sent.

**_Shuichi:_ **

**_I still do._ **

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


It was only four months later, when they got that call. 

A Sunday afternoon. It was raining harshly outside, a tinny sound as the droplets assaulted the outside windows. 

Shuichi had suggested, since they all had a day off, they played a game of cards. So there they were, sat on the floor around the coffee table, playing go fish. It was just like any other afternoon, the news channel on the tv, though no one was really paying attention.

“Shuichi” Himiko picked “You got any fives?”

The look on his face said it all, as he reluctantly handed over the three cards Himiko needed to make a set. She smuggly laid them down on the table, next to the threes she’d claimed. Shuichi still needed one more set to win the game, Himiko reckoned she could catch up.

Maki pretty much stood no chance in the game at this point, which she seemed not so bothered about. Instead, she seemed to have turned her attention to her phone, a notification having called her to it. Something in her expression contorted, if only subtly and for a brief moment. It was that moment, not that she consciously thought it, something in Himiko knew, that something was wrong.

Maki seemed to realise that her companions were glaring at her. She gave a look of confusion for a moment before remembering the game they were playing.

“Oh, sorry….Shuichi, sevens?”

“I...already set the sevens down.” he reminded her, “...Is something wrong?”

It was then the landline rung. The sharp noise of its ringer almost making Himiko jump. Though Maki had made an attempt to before him, Shuichi quickly got up to get the phone.

“Hello? Yes, This is Shuichi Saihara, is something the matter?”

Whilst Maki didn’t say anything, Himiko immediately realised she knew something neither she nor Shuichi knew. Before she could ask, things became all too clear.

Kaede Akamatsu shone bright from the television screen, in front of Himiko’s face. This time, there was no chance it was a hallucination.

Shuichi dropped the phone, the coil wire swinging and bashing the plastic speaker against the wall.

There was nothing at that moment. Himiko remembers, those few moments, the three of them just looked at each other, none of them able to let out a word.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


It was the coming days afterwards that were the worst.

Truthfully, the news hadn’t quite sunk in that first night. It hadn’t felt real.

But no, it was far too real. Kaede Akamatsu was dead.

It was an unavoidable fact that seemed to be inescapable. Pretty much every channel was covering it. People online were putting up memorials, that image of her was everywhere.

The headshot. From before the game began, she sat there, all dressed up as the ultimate pianist, a wide smile across her face. Of pride? Excitement? Whatever it was, it was uncanny, and sickening at the same time.

The real world death of Danganronpa participants wasn’t at all uncommon. There was a reason that the release form was so damn thick. Apparently it had been complications with her heart. Her body went into shock, in the process of regaining consciousness, or something? They had been briefed on the possibility of it happening during the ‘readjustment period’ after they’d won the game. Regardless, they had brushed over the fact, so much so that Himiko barely even remembered it coming up in conversation.

Himiko wasn’t a hundred percent sure what happened to Kaede, nor did it seem anyone else was. Theories were rife, but in the end she supposed it didn’t truly matter what or why. She was dead.

Himiko woke up, only to find Saihara in yesterday's clothes. He sat intently in front of the tv, exhaustion in his face and his eyes glued towards the screen.

_ ‘It really is such a tragedy when these things happen. However, it's a possibility participants are well aware of going in to take responsibility for.’ _ The Danganronpa official, being interviewed, spoke. The look on his face so nonchalant, as he casually discussed her death. _ ‘But because of her sacrifice, we can always look back on Miss Akamatsu’s wonderful display of hope. If we remember her this way, her memory may stay alive.’ _

How disgusting. Himiko almost couldn’t believe it. They were using a girls death to promote their sick tv show, and they weren’t even attempting to be subtle in doing it. It was like another press event to them.

She was seventeen, practically a child- 

_ [They all had been. Children, who were blinded from the reality of what they were doing by coverage like this… How pathetic.] _

That aggravating face on the screen was suddenly shut off. Shuichi's neck shot to turn to Maki, who was holding the remote on the other side of the room.

  
  


“Keep that garbage off.” She put it coldly, and for once Shuichi seemed aggravated by her ordering him.

“We can’t pretend like this isn’t happening!”

“Like hell we can’t. But we don’t have to hyper fixate on it.” Maki took the remote with her, as she headed back into the corridor, the loud slam of her bedroom door loud enough to wake the neighbours. Which probably wasn’t good, considering it was still incredibly early in the morning.

Still, It wasn’t like Maki had solved anything, Shuichi just as easily brought up the news on his phone the moment she left.

Himiko wasn’t shocked by the pair's reactions, by now she knew them well enough to see it coming. What Himiko had neglected to expect was her own reaction to the ordeal.

It was...weird. The way she felt when she heard about Kaede. She almost...didn’t care, after the initial shock. Maybe it didn’t quite feel real, maybe she hadn’t truly realised the reality of it yet. Of course, she was sad, but it didn’t feel like she had truly lost anything. 

_ [Selfish as you always were. Making everything about you.] _

If anything, Himiko felt guilty that she didn’t feel anything. She wondered if it was because she had never met Kaede. Well...not the real person behind the character. Yet Shuichi was shaken up as hell…

Himiko had never bothered to ask Maki about what Kaede was like, before they signed up for Danganronpa. It now occurred to her it was something she probably should have. Considering the fact that her crying could be heard from her room well into the night.

Neither Himiko, nor Shuichi would bring it up. Of course not. Maki was the type of person who would rather forget things, or so it seemed. Healthy or not, neither wanted to upset her further.

It was later on that day, Himiko had gone out with Maki. They had run out of milk, and needed to get to a grocery store just down the street.

That didn’t stop the press. The second the two stepped outside, they were spotted. And then, they’re was a horrendous crowd tailing them with a thousand questions.

“So, how are you coping with Miss Akamatsu's passing?”

“Is it true that Kaede and Shuchi were lovers in the killing game.”

“How is he dealing with the news?”

“What are your thoughts on the rumours of medical negligence-”

No matter how threatening of a glare Maki gave, or how fast they walked, there was no avoiding it. How they got their address was beyond them- though it was most likely slipped by some Danganronpa employee. Talk about hitting a horse when it’s down.

This was precisely why Himiko spent all of her time cooped up in the apartment. Not that she had by any means ever been an outdoorsy person.

Nonetheless, it would be nice to be able to go outside without being berated. Though she supposed that she had brought it upon herself.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


The Funeral came about as soon as you would expect. It was a Danganronpa funded event, therefore, they apparently had every right to film the whole thing. A lot of people had shown up outside of the venue, barricades put up to block them from invading proceedings. From the chauffeur, Himiko could see crowds of hundreds, trying to get a look in, as if it were a live show or...whatever. It didn’t feel right.

Of course Himiko was going to attend. If not to pay her own respects, to support Shuichi and Maki. They had taken this hard, of course they had. Not that it was like Danganronpa would give her the choice, whether she wanted it or not, they were to be sat right at the front. Right where cameras could focus on them.

Being seated only behind the family, at the funeral of someone you don’t even know. It’s beyond awkward and uncomfortable. And the look the parents gave as the three of them walked in, it further solidified to Himiko just how invasive this was for them. But all she could do was sympathise. They were burying their child, and it was being made a national event.

Throughout the entire ceremony, Himiko could hear Shuichi’s heavy, nervous breaths. As time went on, he pulled out the coloured cards he had folded neatly into his blazer pocket, shaky hands skimming over the messily scribbled out speech he had written out over the last week. The ink smudging under his sweaty fingertips.

“Shuichi.” Maki whispered, gently gripping his shoulder to get his attention from his cards “You don’t have to do this-”

“No.” Shuichi brushed her off, as he took a deep breath. “I can do this...yeah.” He reassured himself.

It was safe to say, Kaede had made quite the impression on Shuichi during the killing game. Whether you considered those memories real or not, the public adored their relationship. Oh yes, Himiko had seen the ‘Saimatsu’ tag online. It was...an odd late night scroll.

It was Team Dnganronpa who first suggested that Shuichi said something at the funeral. Well, less so ‘suggested’, more like relentlessly pushed. And of course, him being the man he was, Shuichi had gladly accepted.

Himiko wondered. Had Kaede woke up, would she and Shuichi have ever spoken again? Something in Himiko doubted it, though she suspected that Shuichi believed differently.

Now. She supposed neither of them would ever know.

A few moments later, the Priest called Shuichi up, to say a few words. He rose from his seat the second he heard his name, causing all eyes to turn to his as he made his way out of the pew, stepping forwards to the podium, giving a friendly nod to the priest.

There he stood, trying to maintain composure as he looked out, towards hundreds of people, and cameramen live streaming to what was probably thousands across the country. Under so much anticipation, he couldn’t get a single word out.

Himiko and Maki both turned to each other, a solemn look shared between them as Shuichi tensed up. Whatever it was, his nerves, the pressure, the turmoil, he couldn’t get a single word out. He just stood, mouth agape in shock.

And not before long, his knees started to buckle. tears started swelling, as he tried to get something, anything out. But all she did was blabber, sobbing in front of them all. He gripped onto the podium, in order to keep himself upright, trying with all his might to find any words to say. But his mind must have gone blank to whatever it was he’d written out.

It took far, far too long for someone to come and help him off the podium, and escort him safely out to another room. Perhaps it was Himiko’s imagination, but it felt like just another exploit of the corporation.

Once Shuichi was carted away, the Priest quickly returned to the proceedings. Yet there of course became an under the breath chattering throughout the chapel. 

…

Safe to say, they definitely weren’t going to the wake.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Shuichi had returned to Maki and Himiko only a matter of minutes later, as they headed over to the plot, where they were about to lay Kaede to rest.

It was a breezy day, leaves picking up under Himiko's feet as they trotted over the grave yard.

“I told you. I'm okay.” Shuichi reassured Maki for what was probably the third time since his return. The blotches on his cheeks, marking his tears, yet to fade.

By this point, It seemed Maki was ready to accept his answer, simply patting him on the back 

“Good on you for trying. No one could expect more of you.”

That was probably meant to console him, though the sentiment was lost somewhat in translation. Still, Shuich gave her a smile, and a nod, as if to say thank you.

The three of them kept on walking, in silence, which Himiko somehow couldn’t bear. Whether appropriate or not, she decided to break it.

“Where shall we eat after this?”

“Eat?” Shuichi furrowed his brows “...I mean, I'm not sure, I think there’s a McRonalds on the route back.”

“McRonalds? How old are you?” Himiko chuckled, before realising she was perhaps being insensitive, “Sounds good. I could eat anything.”

“If you guys want to eat that greasy crap. Be my guest.” Maki chimed in.

“My my, Harukawa.”

Maki turned to the woman over her shoulder immediately, Himiko and Shuichi following suit. It was fairly obvious who she was, she was almost identical to her sister. Kasumi Akamatsu stood, arms crossed, a strangely smug smirk across her face, as she looked down at Maki. 

“Is now really an appropriate time to be discussing your dinner plans?” Kasumi tutted, shaking her head condescending “You always were rather crude. The both of you.”

Himiko had apparently met her once before, and it was no wonder she had mistook her for Kaede. They were completely identical. Other than her hair being longer, and she seemed a little taller than Himiko remembered the pianist being. Other than that, she was the spitting image of her sister.

Yet, her demeanour was something else entirely. 

If she’s like this? What ever could Kaede have been like?

“Kasumi.” Maki responded, her tone terribly masking the fact she was just about holding back her temper. “I'm sorry about Kaede.”

“Oh, we’re all sorry about Kaede.” Kasumi scrunched her nostrils, as she let out a snigger

“If she hadn't gotten involved with you. She’d still be here.”

The blonde turned then towards Himiko, a colder look in her eyes. “...And you two, you have even less business being here. You didn’t know my sister at all.”

Himiko didn’t say a word. She’d say that it was for the best, but truthfully, she didn’t say anything because she didn’t know what to say. Kasumi was right, but she didn’t want to validate her… after she had just belittled Maki.

As for Maki, she was currently biting down on her lip harshly. She had clearly deduced in this situation, it was better that she did.

Himiko hadn’t asked Maki anything about Kaede, she hadn’t really cared. But of what few times she’d seen the other participants, during the recruitment process of Dangan ronpa, the two seemed joined at the hip. Himiko remembers thinking, those two seemed like good friends.

After realising none of them were going to dignify her with a response, Kasumi seemed to give up, pushing her way past Maki. But she was sure not to leave without a few more harsh words.

“Talk about a best friend.” Kasumi narrowed her eyes “None of you deserved to live.”

The Girl made her way forward towards the distancing crowd, leaving the three of them with her last, venomous words.

To it, Maki said one thing.

“Lets go.”

“Maki?” Shuichi looked on, as Maki headed off in the opposite direction. “Where are you-”

“We’re going to fucking McRonalds.”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


“Himiko, these are your Chicken nuggets, right?”

Blowing a funeral was definitely not in the best of taste, but honestly, Himiko felt it was probably the most respectful thing she could do. It was evident no one had wanted them there, to the point she’d almost forgotten the reason they were even attending.

Himiko sat, looking blankly at her nuggets, as Maki placed them down in front of her. It seemed not Maki or Shuichi had anything to say themselves. She didn’t blame them.

It had been a long day. And here they were, literally dressed for a funeral in a McRonalds booth.

There was definitely a lot to be said, but it wasn’t easy to be the one to start the conversation. So it was probably best they fed themselves, and got home to rest-

“Maki? Do you think Kaede would have hated us?”

Shuichi asked the question quickly, looking down into his milkshake as he stirred it with his straw. He said it in such a way, it was clear it was something he had wanted to ask for a while. Quite honestly, it was something that had crossed Himiko’s mind enough times herself. Though in Shuichi, an answer clearly weighed much more.

Maki seemed to be taken aback by the sudden question. Putting down the burger she had been kawing down on, and wiping her lips with a napkin as she finished up chewing. She obviously hadn’t expected it, and didn’t really know how best to respond.

Her silence was pretty telling.

“...I'm sorry.” Shuchi chucked, solemnly “I suppose I shouldn’t have asked. I just…” 

He never completed his thought, perhaps he hadn’t known how to word it. But it was obvious what he was trying to say.

“If you ask me, it’s irrelevant.” Maki answered, seeming to have put together her thoughts “I mean,  _ that Kaede _ never even knew you.”

Shuichi nodded, it seemed to be the answer he’d expected.

“...Before Danganronpa...Kaede was a pretty different person. But what does it matter?” Maki continued “The Kaede who wanted us all to be friends, and escape together, that Kaede had a lot of heart...I think, She’s probably proud of us… if that makes sense.”

What Maki said, summed it up pretty well. The Kaede Akamatsu that was buried today, wasn’t the same Kaede who they remembered. Those memories, of someone who was willing to do anything to keep them hopeful, they were still real in their own right… but separate.

Whether that's what Shuichi wanted to hear or not, it was the truth.

But maybe… a lie would have done more for him, in the short term if anything.

“...She was pretty annoying, always being so positive.” Maki chuckled “Though I suppose we need people like her in the world, right?”

“Yeah. We do.” Shuichi smiled, looking to Himiko, and then Maki.

“Uh, Yeah. ” Himiko agreed “She was always nagging me to do more.”

_ “Hey!” The pianist raised her voice, as she spoke to Himiko “If you keep being this lazy, you’ll miss out on all the fun stuff in life!” _

Himiko remembered, Kaede had said something to her once. She had said they were alike. At the time, Himiko had brushed it off, but now it was something she remembered so well when thinking about her. Kaede wanted to put smiles on peoples faces, she said that's what made her happiest, that's what she had wanted to do, once they all escaped. She never got that chance.

Whether that was the ‘real’ Kaede or not. That was the Kaede they knew, the Kaede they got to know. The Kaede they had lost, all the same.

“Here’s to Kaede Akamatsu” Shuichi held up his milkshake, receiving puzzled looks from his companions in response. “The ultimate Pianist.”

It took a moment, but soon, his paper cup was more so bonked than clinked by two more.

“Here’s to her.”

To anyone watching, they probably looked somewhat like crack pots, giggling to themselves as they finally got back to their junk food.

“...Thank you. Both of you.” Shuichi smiled, “I’m glad to have had you.”

“Shuichi, if you don’t start eating, I’m going to start nabbing your fries.” Himiko joked, which got him to abruptly remember his now cooled down meal.

For a day that had started off so melancholy, it had actually come to a somewhat warming conclusion. The rest of the night, they had spent rambling about this and that, nothing of so much importance. Still, it was days like this Himiko felt the most normal. Like they were a regular group of friends, and not publicly tortured reality stars.

If she could, she’d have wanted these days to last forever.

  
  
  


\---

  
  


Two weeks later. It was the late evening when Himiko and Maki had gotten home.

Since the funeral, public attention had turned to some other drama. Hence, Himiko decided to help Maki with the food shop. She had wanted to make use of herself. Shuichi had said he wanted to stay home.

Himiko dragged her feet, as she carried the bags towards the door, they were far too heavy for her flimsy self to properly carry, which Maki seemed to notice.

“You really ought to gain some muscle.” 

“Of course you’d say that,” Himiko rolled her eyes, as Maki went to put the keys in to unlock the door.

Upon entering the apartment, Himiko had immediately wondered why all of the lights were out, yet the tv was still on, muted.

“Shuichi?” Himiko called down the hallway, but no response came.

“Guess he went out,” Maki said, flipping on the room's kitchen light as Himiko looked to her, “Can you get those bags to the table, or am I going to have to?” 

“I got it!” Himiko defended herself, as she quickly made her way towards the kitchen counter, dropping down the bags as gracefully as she could manage before sighing with relief to be able to release the weight.

It was then Himiko heard it, the bathroom tap.

_ Drip drop. _

“Can you go get that tap please?” Maki asked, as she began looking through the bags of groceries, “It's going to drive me insane.”

“Got it” Himiko flicked off her shoes, throwing them by the doorway, before she made her way towards the hall, and towards the bathroom door.

_ Drip drop. _

The bathroom door was ajar, gently swaying two and frow, the old hinges letting out a creaking. 

Call it intuition, but for whatever reason, something felt wrong to her. She felt tense. Himiko froze, just for a moment. She decided it was nothing.

_ [Wrong Choice.] _

As she gently pushed the door open, she couldn’t see much of the dark room. She could hear the electric buzz of the ceiling fan spinning, and she could feel the cold breeze. It made her shiver.

It was then, the door wouldn’t open. She tried to open it properly, but it got stuck. Something was in the way. Something heavy.

_ Drip drop. _

Himiko felt something soak into her sock, something wet and cold. Her breath halted, as she tried to look down into the dark. She held an arm out, trying to feel around the wall for the light switch. That's when she found it.

The light turned on. That’s when she found him.

_ Drip drop. _

It was an instant feeling, almost familiar. All of a sudden, her body weighed twice as much, and she could hardly breathe.

“Maki!”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Himiko sat half asleep at the dining table, arms wrapped around herself as she tried to maintain consciousness. It was a Tuesday morning, and the apartment was silent. Deadly silent.

She barely noticed as Maki dropped a bowl harshly down in front of her, only looking up at her a couple of seconds later, having processed its presence.

“Himiko. You need to eat.”

“...I'm not hungry.”

“I don’t care.” She slid the plate closer to Himiko “Neither of us are going anywhere until that bowl is empty.”

Himiko looked down at the porridge in the bowl, the piping hot steam heating her face. Himiko hated porridge, Maki knew that. Perhaps that's why she’d put a spoon of syrup in. 

Whatever the reason, Himiko couldn’t stomach it. Her appetite had been MIA for the last week.

Yet, the glare Maki was giving her from across the counter...it was a death glare…

Himiko picked up the spoon, blowing on the lumpy mush before putting it in her mouth. She supposed she would just have to deal with feeling sick all day. Not as if she had any plans.

The sound of the letter box seemed to get Maki’s attention off of Himiko, as she headed over to pick up the envelopes that had just come through. There were three today.

“...Fan letters? Or actual mail?” Himiko asked, to which Maki snarled.

“What do you think?” Maki took the first envelope, ripping it and its contents in half, viciously. However, it was to her surprise that change flew out, clinking as the coins hit the laminate floor. And with it, she then realised she had ripped up a couple of paper notes.

“Shit-” Maki cursed under her breath, as she headed over to the bin. 

Himiko got her frustration, she definitely related to it. It was pretty obvious at this point what that letter was going to say. Some sort of pandering ‘condolence’ letter, which would no doubt turn into the writer going on about Danganronpa.

News had spread quick about what happened, the hashtag ‘PrayforSaihara’ had been on news bulletins for weeks. The only difference this time was Danganronpa was yet to say a word on the matter. In fact, they seemed to actively be trying to deny that Shuichi was really dead.

Seeing every stranger, as well as news channels, debating whether or not the roommate you found dead on your bathroom floor had actually offed himself, as it was as trivial a matter to them as which way the loo roll was facing, wasn’t exactly Himiko's idea of entertaining. If anything, it was making it even harder for her to try and get on with things.

_ [Get on with things...That's what your mother always suggested. Get on with what?] _

“You should have probably checked before you tore the thing apart.” Himiko bluntly told Maki, as she took another spoonful of porridge.

“You don’t say Himiko?” Maki snapped back, before taking in a breath of frustration. “...I'm sorry. Your right. I’ll calm down. Not like we really need their money.” she closed the bins lid, as she headed over, sitting opposite Himiko. It was as she did, Himiko noticed she still had one of the envelopes, and she was already fidgeting with it.

“So, why are we keeping that one?” She asked, putting down her spoon, as Maki seemed to be gathering her words.

“It’s for you actually, I think you ought to take a look?”

She handed the envelope over to Himiko. Whom took one look at it and realised what it was all about. The Yumemori High crest printed large on the envelope's front.

“The hell do they want?”

“You would know if you opened it.” Maki suggested, or more like demanded. Himiko hesitantly began tearing the seal of the envelope open, pulling it out and giving it a glance over.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Himiko nodded “They’re just asking if I want to attend this year.”

“And do you?”

“Of course not.”

“Why not?” Maki raised her eyebrows “It’s not as if you're doing anything else.”

It was true, Himiko had spent the last year and a bit just sitting around in this apartment, she didn’t have all that much time left before the lease ended. Though moving out was something Himiko hadn’t honestly had on her mind recently.

“You're one to talk, You dropped out of high school.”

“I didn’t drop out, they just didn’t want me to go back.” Maki corrected Himiko quickly “You should have been back there months ago, the fact there even giving you a chance is something you should be grateful for.”

Himiko let out a frustrated huff. She knew Maki was right, it wasn’t very often she wasn’t. It was just, Himiko couldn’t handle being back there. Out in the real world, adults usually don’t watch the types of reality shows Danganronpa falls under the bracket of. And even if they do, most are mature enough to understand it’s something those involved with the series don’t really want reminding of. Himiko knew exactly how it would go the second she got there. She’d be recognised, the insensitive ones would pester her with questions, the quiet ones would have a lot to say behind her back. She’d never be able to focus, nor have a normal school life. So what was the point, her grades were always crap anyway.

And even besides that, the entire reason she was so willing to go for that show- other than her Mother driving her mental, was that school.. The way she was back then…

_ [Unforgivable.] _

Lets just say, she had a less than pleasant reputation. And considering the person she had turned into, there was no way she’d be treated with a lick of respect.

Himiko dropped her spoon, her hand suddenly unable to register that she was supposed to be holding it. Maki took the corner of the letter, gently dragging it from Himiko’s hands.

“It's fine. I'm sorry if I was pressuring you.” She pushed her chair back, as she stood up to place the letter into what Shuichi had once fondly christened ‘the draw of mail we cannot throw but do not wish to see.’

“I just think it would do you good, to get out more if anything.” Maki sighed “I don’t want your life to stop here.”

Stop here?

“...What did I tell you, Maki, you're not my mother.” 

“I know.” Maki held her hands up in joking defence “I’ll stop now. Eat your damn porridge.”

“Yeah yeah.”

Himiko went back to forcing down her morning gruel, thinking over the idea maki had just put to her. Her life stopping here? She didn’t want that...she didn’t want to stop.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


“Miss Harukawa told me that you were coming. I must admit, she sounded just as surprised as I was. It’s nice to see you again, it’s been a while.”

Himiko hadn’t been to the Team Danganronpa ‘Well being’ office since the day she was marked ‘stable’ and no longer legally obligated to attend the ‘therapy’ sessions. To be fair, the requirements to get off the compulsory list weren’t very challenging. You just had to prove that you weren’t going to off yourself the second they left you alone- considering Shuichi, they had clearly messed that one up.

But, she was still welcome any time. That was perhaps one of the only things that Team Danganronpa did that Himiko could consider respectable. Though, in all honesty, what support they offered- support they continually brought up as much as possible whenever given opportunity. Was extremely over exaggerated.

The therapy room was painted an ugly shade of lavender. Himiko had always assumed that this was supposed to make the room seem soothing. But considering that the rest of the room was still branded with Danganronpa’s corporate stamp wherever possible, it was far from a relaxing place. There was one poster on the wall- Himiko recalls her and Maki taking the mickey out of its odd placement, right above the computer screen. It was of a bright yellow duckling, wearing a bow tie. There was absolutely no explanation for this image, which just made it more funny for the pair to mock, hung on the wall in full glory, in an ugly frame that didn’t suit the already unappealing purple walls. Perhaps that was the point, to be something to laugh at. If it was, that was admittedly clever, Himiko didn’t hold Team Danganronpa to holding that high of a regard though.

The therapist started rummaging through his files, until he found a folder entitled ‘53’. This therapist who Himiko had been assigned was a trainee himself, which seemed absolutely outrageous. For whatever reason, the company decided to keep their best psychiatrists on the pre production participant's side. It made sense for them to do that, she supposed. After all, what use were past participants to Team Danganronpa? Other than a free promo here and there.

Especially last year, after that whole debacle, the company was struggling, secret to the public or not. For a few months after the events of the fifty third season, they’re were even rumours going around of a major lawsuit against them for negligence. However nothing ever came of that and soon it seemed completely forgotten.

_ [What do you know? It seemed you couldn’t end Danganronpa afterall.] _

The therapist pulled out a document from the folder, this one with the words ‘Participant 12’ in bold, That was Himiko's number, of course. He flicked through the pages briefly, skimming over the notes taken down.

“I heard the tragic news, How have you been, Miss Yumeno?” He asked.

Himiko was taken back for a moment, 

“How do you think?”

“I know. dumb question.” The man sighed, clearly agitated “But I have to at least ask, otherwise I wouldn’t be doing my job properly.” He closed the document, having read what was probably the bear minimum of what little information they had previously gotten on the girl. Truly, she had no real idea what they could have written, she had never given them a lot.

“I imagine you're stressed, but that's why Team Danganronpa makes these sessions available to you. So you have plenty of opportunity to vent out those painful feelings when you're struggling.”

Himiko couldn't help but laugh in disbelief. No way did those words just leave that man's mouth. He wasn’t even being subtle. Clearly, from the look on his face, he was getting increasingly annoyed with her, trying his best at ‘maintaining a calm atmosphere’.

He turned away from her momentarily, turning his chair to reach for a pen and notepad. For that moment, Himiko took a quick look at the id photo they had of her. She hated it just as much as she remembered. It reminded her just how well kept she was before all of this.

_ [Almost makes you wonder where you went wrong.] _

“Well, I guess we’ll start off with how you are now.” He swirled back around tapping his pen against the lined paper to see that the ink was working. “Is everything alright in the apartment? There hasn’t been too much tension?”

Himiko took in a breath. This is what she had come here for, she wasn’t sure what she expected. It’d be good for her, thats what Maki said, and she was always right.

“It’s been hard. But me and Maki are coping.” She answered, “... It does feel weird being just the two of us.”

“Just the two of you…?” The therapist seemed confused, to which Himiko was immediately concerned.

“Yeah/ You know? Because Shuichi...he…” She couldn’t finish her answer, and as the man in front of hers expression changed, she realised she may not have to.

“Oh, i'm sorry. I guess no one has informed you yet.”

“Informed me of what?”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Himiko had been hesitant to come home. Especially from the infuriated messages she had gotten from Maki ordering her to return immediately. But it wasn’t as if she had anywhere else to go. Even walking up the stairs to their floor, she could already hear her yelling some not so friendly curses. She prepared herself to walk into the storm.

As she came through the front door, she wasn’t all as surprised as she should have been to see Maki trying to throw one of Tsumugi's boxes out of the window of the fifth story apartment.

“You're not staying here. Not if I have anything to do with it.”

Yes. This was the news that good old Team Danganronpa had ‘forgotten’ to pass the message on. You know, the fact that they were moving someone in- Tsumugi of all people- to live with them.

Said Tsumugi was panicked, to say the least, grabbing her box of belongings back from Maki, trying to wrestle off her iron grip.

“I'm sorry...but you really don’t have anything to do with it.” She spoke, though clearly hesitant to upset Maki further, “This property is owned by Team Danganronpa. And there’s a room vacant-”

“It’s not ‘Vacant’!” Maki snapped, as she released the box “It's Shuchi’s!”

“...Maki” Tsumugi took in a breath “You know-”

“Shut up!” Maki’s anger only seemed to be growing, she looked almost ready to hit the woman in front of her.

Himiko Rushed forward, using the weight of her entire body to hold Maki back from jumping at Tsumugi. She could barely hold her as she tried to push past.

“Please, you’ve got to calm down Maki.”

“Himiko! I don’t want her here!”

“Neither do I…” Himiko looked over to Tsumugi, she seemed just as begrudged to be there as they were to have her.

“But she’s right. We don’t really have a choice…”

It wasn’t as if they ever had a choice. Not anymore, the day they signed that contract with Danganronpa, was the last day they had any real choices. That went for Tsumugi too, not that Himiko could bring herself to sympathise with her. No...not at all.

This was all so sudden. Shuichi had been dead for what? A matter of weeks, and they were already filling his place? His room was still full of his belongings. Did they expect them to go and clean it out so Tsumugi could just comfortably slide into his place? That would never happen. Not in a thousand years.

“...Well if she’s in, i'm out.” Maki seemed all too overwhelmed, giving Himiko a cold look before storming towards the door.

Himiko called for her to wait, but she couldn’t stop maki from slamming the door behind her. God knows where she’s going, but Himiko didn’t blame her. She didn’t blame her at all.

It’s just now. Here she was, stuck alone with... _ her _ .

It was silent for a good moment, as the both of them turned to one another. Neither seemed to know exactly what to say- what could they say? The last time they saw each other, Tsumugi was berating them, mocking them with the horrific truth. She knew. She had known all along, she’d taken joy in watching the whole thing go down, all under the guise of a trusted friend. She had never been their friend. And  _ she never would be _ .

“...Thank-”

“Don’t thank me.” Himiko bluntly spat out, to which Tsumugi nodded.

Even if she was ‘brainwashed’, even if she was just randomly chosen and recrafted to be that way. Himiko couldn’t forgive her.

Even though she was just one of them, it wasn’t her fault they decided to give her the ‘special role’.

If Kaede was a completely different person, why couldn’t Himiko see Tsumugi that way too? What made her any different? 

“...I’ll keep my distance.” Tsumugi took her box, and started to head towards her new room. 

Himiko scoffed, looking at the pile of boxes left behind, she still needed to come back for them…

Himiko headed over, picking up what she thought looked like the lightest box of the load, carrying it to Shuichi’s room.

Whilst in the corridor, she couldn;t help but take a look at the contents. It was filled with old style dvds? And what was right at the top? ‘Danganronpa- series 53- Limited edition’.

Some people never change, do they? 

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Himiko sat on the sofa, the room a dark black as she curled up, trying her best to keep her eyes open. It was well into the night, and Maki was yet to come home.

Himiko wondered whether she should have gone out to look for her, but considering she had absolutely no idea where she could have gotten to, she figured that it was best to wait here. Afterall, she didn’t want Maki to get back here alone with Tsumugi.

She was worried sick, of course. She hadn't realised it up until now, but this had been the first time for the last year that Himiko hadn’t either been with Maki, or known exactly where she was or what she was doing. She was really the only friend that Himiko had left- in fact, she was the only person in general Himiko had, especially now. After Shuichi, if Maki were to go away too…

No. Himiko couldn’t think like that. Not after everything. Maki would be back by the morning… she knew it.

She had to.

Himiko had a meal ready for her on the table- well, it wasn’t really a meal, just some toast she’d managed to butter for het. She had to stay up to Yell at Maki for leaving like that, as well as make sure she was okay.

_ [The last time you left your friend, he ended up bleeding out on the bathroom floor.] _

No. This wasn’t the same situation. It wasn't something she should think about. At all.

Still, the thought didn’t leave her… Of Shuichi, lying there…

Maki wouldn’t, she wasn’t that upset-

_ [That's exactly what you thought about Shuichi.] _

It was a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. And an irritating itch in the back of her mind she couldn’t do anything to get rid of. Yet all she could do was sit. Sit and wait for Maki to come back to her, to when she knew she was okay.

Himiko had no real idea how long it had been, minutes? Hours? However long she had lasted that night, she started to feel dazed. She tried to battle for consciousness. She couldn’t sleep yet, not until Maki was-

Himiko awoke, harsh light from the window shining down, blinding her eyes from the sofa. She held up an arm, groggily as she got herself back up from where she had hunched over, when she felt something over her. She looked down to see a blanket- one from the cabinet had been placed over her. With this evidence of another's presence, she got up and headed toward the dining table- the toast she had left out cleared, the dish on the drying rack by the sink.

Himiko picked up her phone, having left it on the table the night before. She had only one real notification, that wasn’t just an app update or reminder. It was a text message.

**_Maki:_ **

**_Im sorry._ **

Himiko tiptoed down the hall, as quiet as she could. Once she reached Maki’s door, she gently pushed it ajar.

There Maki was, curled up like a sleeping baby, coddling herself.

Himiko let out a breath of relief. She knew Maki was alive, she could see her chest move up and down, it was okay. Now she just had to wait for her to wake up to yell at her for-

It was at that moment, as Himiko unlocked her phone, she realised what the reminders she had set were for…

She rushed to her bedroom busting through the door and sprinting through the messy piles of clothes sprawled on her floor, and she grabbed the uniform hung on the front of her wardrobe.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Talk about a good first impression. For a student retaking a year that they missed, because they were busy with a murder competition, she probably should have at least shown up on time. But no, even if she had managed to have woken up on time, Himiko had only realised the fact she had no clue on the way from her apartment to the school whilst  _ on the way from the apartment to the school.  _ Though truthfully, the staff seemed surprisingly forgiving. Not at all how she remembered. Yumemori hadn’t changed much at all from what Himiko remembered, it was still trying to be a pretentious girls academy, despite the fact the money coming in was steadily depleting by the year. That probably worked in Himiko's favour getting back in, to be honest, so she supposed it was a silver lining her old school was so broke.

Returning to this place wasn’t something that Himiko had ever planned to do. Being back here felt uncomfortable, it was so familiar to her, yet she still felt  dépaysement regardless. This life she had, before Danganronpa- before everything- it somehow didn’t feel real anymore, yet now she was back here, in her uniform, walking to class, that all flipped. It almost felt as if she had gone back, as if the last year hadn’t happened. No time had passed at all.

The class that she was in was the year below her old one, but of course. That in itself felt odd, her life- this life- had stopped in time, yet everyone around her had kept moving forwards. Within the first few hours, Himiko already wanted to leave. She wanted to go back home, to the way she was living yesterday.

But no. She couldn’t. She couldn’t just stay still and let time pass without her even realising. 

It’s like Maki said. So Himiko would just have to tough it out regardless. 

It was safe to say, people recognised her, just as she had presumed. As she made her way through the hall, Himiko could already hear whisperings about her.

“She’s back… the redhead over there. I never thought I’d see her again”

“It’s amazing! We have a celebrity in our class!”

“You don’t remember? She was the ultimate magician last season. The one who was all buddy buddy with that one crazy chick.”

“Jeez! She’s like right there.”

It was almost funny, Himiko had never been this spoken about. Especially so openly in front of her face. It seemed almost as if they wanted her to hear them, or perhaps they just didn’t care. Either way, it wasn’t like there was much Himiko could do about it. She just had to keep her head down, get this whole thing over with, then she could move on with her life.

It wasn’t just Danganronpa they were talking about. It wasn’t long before people recognised her as their past upperclassmen. The privileged and snappy one no one had truly liked. She bet it was funny to them, to see her much meeker, less threatening and more...pathetic looking, if anything. She didn’t blame them for laughing.

At lunch, a group had actually approached her. Himiko had elected to sit alone outside, minding her own business, only for these people to come and sit around her, as if she were a part of their group. They seemed friendly, and from the way they introduced themselves, it seemed they were most likely just trying to befriend her, rather than intimidate her off. She supposed she should have been grateful for this, but quite frankly, she’d have rather been alone. It wasn't like she had any intention of getting to know anyone, that wasn’t the reason she had come back.

“We saw you on the show last year.” One of them brought up- of course she did- “Danganronpa, huh? That’s pretty cool.”

“I guess…” 

Himiko didn’t ‘guess’, it was far from an ‘honour’. Truthfully, she didn’t have a clue what to say.

“To be honest, my bets were on you as a killer. Did you ever consider it?”

“You can’t ask that!” one of the girls tried to hush her friend, who just chuckled.

“Why not, it’s only tv. Don’t you want to know?” 

The group started arguing amongst themselves, and the conversation topic soon changed to someone the group apparently had a grudge over. Himiko didn’t really care, she just sat amongst them, minding her own business, thinking about what she would do once she got home. If this was her first day, she didn’t want to imagine how awful a whole year would be.

  
  
  


\---

  
  


It was less than a month later, Maki had enough.

Truly, Tsumugi hadn’t done anything. Like she had said she would, she had hardly bothered the pair unless it was necessary. Sometimes, Himiko could go days without seeing any trace the third girl was even living with them.

But it was little things, every now and then, maybe she forgot to empty the washer or she left things out. If it were anyone else, it would be no big deal, but Maki already was enraged just by the sight of the woman.

Truthfully, Tsumugi could be the perfect roommate, and Maki would still hate living with her. It wasn’t as if Himiko didn’t see it, she knew how Maki felt. Her being with them, it brought back too many negative memories, painful feelings. And for Maki, it was clearly becoming unbearable.

“Your seriously leaving?” 

“Yeah. Next month.”

Maki had come to meet Himiko after class, safe to say the fans she went to school with were starstruck. It was unexpected, and they had headed over to this quiet park to talk. 

“...Well, where are you going to go?” Himiko asked, as she swung herself gently to and fro on the swing.

“To be honest. I'm not sure.” Maki answered from next to her, “Wherever I feel like, I'm going to hit the road and see wherever I end up.”

Himiko nodded, taking in this information. How was she supposed to contact her with no idea where she’s going? 

“Can’t I come-”

“Believe me Himiko. I’d invite you.” Maki butted in, before she could even ask “But you need to see this school thing through. We agreed, didn’t we?”

Himiko knew Maki was right, she had to stay. But if Maki was leaving...there was a chance they wouldn’t see each other for a long time.

Maybe now was the time, she had ought to ask.

“Can you tell me?” She let it out, getting a confirming hum from Maki before she continued. 

“How did you get here?” 

There was a pause, brief, but awkward. Himiko was about to apologise for asking, before Maki finally spoke.

“...It was Kaede’s idea” Maki started, “To audition. I mean. To be honest, I had never really thought about it until then...” 

Maki started swaying herself on the swing, holding both her hands together in her lap. 

“Keade was...nothing like the one you met.” She explained “She was cynical, and pretty selfish. And if she didn’t get her way, she’d get so mad. To be honest, I don’t know if we were ever really friends.” 

Himiko understood, Maki would have never been able to tell Shuichi any of this, who Kaede was. He wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

Himiko watched, as Maki was trying to explain. She supposed it was quite a vulnerable position for himiko to put her in, something she wasn’t accustomed to seeing Maki let herself get into. As she reflected on everything, Himiko couldn’t help but notice how calm she was, how, at peace she was with it all.

“I can’t remember how we became friends, but I was a hell of a lot meeker then. More naive and trusting.” She let out a light chuckle “I let her walk all over me. Pretty much.”

“I can’t imagine that for the life of me. You're terrifying.” 

Maki laughed at Himiko’s... Half joke.

“You know, I can’t imagine you any less lazy either.”

“Lazy?!” 

“Don’t even deny it!” Maki continued laughing through her words, as Himiko joined in, though trying to shake her head.

But as the laughter slowed down, the reality sunk back in. These days, they were coming to an end. Things were changing, as much as Himiko wished they weren’t. 

“You’ll be alright, won’t you?” Maki asked, her tone turning softer.

“...I think I will.” Himiko answered, as she kicked some of the gravel from under her feet. “I mean, we gotta keep facing forward.”

_ “‘Live life facing forward’ she said that to you right? If you give up on living. You’d be betraying her memory…” _

Life was going on. Himiko had to as well, she knew that. And that’s exactly what she would do.

Live life, facing forward.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Maybe it hadn’t sunk in. Not really, until the day Maki left.

She had packed a couple bags, and spent the whole night just sitting with Himiko in the living room. She said her farewells for hours, before eventually, she was ready to go.

But it wasn’t until the door shut behind her, before she posted her key through the door, Himiko really allowed herself to realise what was happening. 

Himiko stood, facing the door as it shut behind Maki. And that's when it suddenly hit her. She was alone now.

After everything they went through, all the time they had spent together. In the end, Himiko had forgotten what it was like to live without Shuichi or Maki by her side. She had forgotten  _ how  _ to.

Things were hard.

Time went on, with or without them. Himiko was struggling on her own. Keeping up with things, cleaning the kitchen, tidying up after herself. Making her own meals, all she could really do was microwave garbage from the frozen isle.

Himiko hadn’t realized just how heavily she had relied on Maki. It made her feel bad for being such a strain on her for all this time. But those were little things, it was the quiet that hurt the most. 

If she tried to watch a movie, Shuichi wasn’t butting in, coming up with theories, and Maki wasn’t there telling him to shut up. Maki wasn’t there to force feed her porridge and horribly put together sandwiches. Himiko couldn’t remember the last time she’d had the chance to annihilate somebody at cards.

It was just Himiko now. Alone.

Part of her spited Maki, for leaving her all alone. It didn’t feel fair. But the truth was, Maki had a whole life of her own, and she wasn’t satisfied staying here anymore. Himiko couldn’t hold her back, that was what wouldn’t be fair.

Phone calls and messages weren’t the same. And even so, they seemed to already be getting brief.

It was one evening, as Himiko waited for her microwave meal to heat up, there was a bang.

The inside of the microwave smoked up, the glass becoming foggy as a sizzling sounded. Himiko rushed over in a panic, grabbing the heated handle to throw the door open, hot smoke blowing directly into her face. As she clutched her lightly scorched hand. 

Himiko began to choke on the smoke, stepping back and coughing, splurging out to capture some clean air. The loud, incessant beeping of the fire alarm soon set off.

Himiko couldn’t reach the fire alarm. She was too short. Maki would have to-

It all got more and more, the beeping, the horrid smell of burning, the smoke. Himiko felt her knees get wobbly, as she tried to keep her balance.

She couldn’t even cook a microwave meal right? What the hell was she doing, what the hell was she supposed to do? If Maki was here, this would have never happened. Now Himiko was alone, and she couldn’t even do this one thing? Pathetic.

But her thoughts only escalated- what could Himiko ever do? She had never been able to do anything. 

She couldn’t feed herself, keep things tidy, she couldn’t survive-

If it weren’t for Maki and Shuichi, Himiko would have never gotten to this point. She’d probably still be in the Team Danganronpa phacility, hooked up to the virtual world system waiting to possibly never wake up.

That’s probably where she was supposed to be. Every forum said it. Shuichi and Maki, in the game, the two of them were brave and strong throughout, they deserved their place as winners.

The only reason Himiko survived, was because  _ someone else _ took her place…

  
  


“...Himiko.”

Himiko sniffled back the tears that had started forming, as she heard her name. Suddenly, she was back to reality.

Tsumugi. This was her fault. Maki wouldn’t have left, if it wasn’t for her. Himiko wouldn’t have to feel like this.

“Are you okay-”

“What do you want, Tsumugi?” Himiko spat out bitterly.

“The microwave.” Tsumugi answered “It’s on fire.”

“Oh.” Himiko turned her head to the ablaze metal box directly next to her face. “Oh!”

She jumped back, almost knocking into Tsumugi. In her own thoughts, she’d somehow forgotten what had set her off. Now her panic skyrocketed- and she’d have to deal with it alone.

But she wasn’t alone.

“Tsumugi!” She yelled to her, despite them being directly next to one another “There's an extinguisher in the outside hall, near the stairs.”

Tsumugi bolted out of the front door, leaving Himiko with the flames.

“Make sure it says Class C!” She yelled out of the door, receiving a squeal of acknowledgement from Tsumugi. 

It was something Maki had told her, reminded her over and over when they first moved in. She had never thought she'd actually need to know it, but here she was.

Himiko felt her heart racing. Not only was she failing to look after herself, now she was about to set the entire building up in flames! And what could she do? She had to do something! But the shock, it rendered her frozen in place, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get her body to move...

_ Shit. Shit shit shit. _

Luckily for her, Tsumugi returned quickly, sprinting at full speed back into the room, letting out a battle cry of a scream as she sprayed the extinguisher blindly in the direction of the burning microwave. She didn’t stop, even once all of the glowing amber flames faded out. 

Once she was done, Tsumugi dropped the extinguisher to the floor, catching her breath as she stared towards the mess of the kitchen. Himiko was in the same boat, a sigh of relief leaving her as she panted for air.

“...Himiko!” Tsumugi turned around “Are you okay? Himiko!”

Himiko just stared at the wreckage she’d caused, unable to speak. What would she have done, if she were alone? She’d have just stood there useless, letting the whole place go up…

After a moment of silence, Himiko managed to speak.

“...What do we do now?”

Tsumugi looked confused for a moment, as Himiko pointed at the heaping pile of cloudy residue, covering where once stood their microwave oven. 

“I...Don’t know actually.”

“Well, neither do I.” 

“I figured. You know, because you asked me…”

“...I think we’re going to need a new microwave.”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


It wasn’t too long after that, Himiko had started spending more time with Tsumugi.

It wasn’t like they were friends, per say. Neither of them really spoke. But Himiko had stopped avoiding her as actively as she had before.

Tsumugi had started to make food for two. After the whole microwave incident, Himiko wasn’t exactly opposed to this. Quite honestly, she was surprised at how well the Woman could cook. It was definitely a step up from the mush Himiko had been feeding herself, at least. 

Most of the time, Himiko wouldn’t really talk to Tsumugi, as much as sit with her and watch whatever garbage she was in silence. Whether it was awkward or not, something about having someone else there, even if that someone was Tsumugi, it was comforting.

Still, something felt morally grey about it. After everything that happened, fictional or not, Himiko still had the memories of it.

There were questions- so many questions himiko wanted answers to. But actually festering up the courage to ask them was completely different than thinking them up. Was it even fair for her to push questions onto this version of Tsumugi? Someone completely different from the one in her less pleasant memories.

No. This Tsumugi was a complete stranger. Thinking that way made Himiko feel better, as if she weren’t betraying all the friends she watched die. This Tsumugi isn’t responsible for all of that… she had to remind herself that.

Still, it weighed on her.

Eventually, one question came up, as Tsumugi was looking for something to watch on tv. Himiko let it slip out.

“Why do you still have the Dvd?”   
  


Tsumugi seemed taken aback by the question,

“Oh, so you know about that…”

Himiko had seen it, and it had always bothered her. She remembered Team Danganronpa offering it to them as a parting gift. Some sort of sick thank you, or bonus prize. Of course Himiko had said no, as had Maki and Shuichi. Why would they want to relive all the trauma they had just been through, but in hd? They would have to be truly sick to do that…

“I swear, it’s not how you think! I just…” Tsumugi took in a breath “...I was curious about the second disc.”

“Second disk?”

“The bonus content.”   
  


Bonus content? Himiko furrowed her brows in confusion, what could…?

“Most of it’s just about the technical aspects, but there’s also a section full of...the audition tapes.”

Audition tapes? How did Himiko not know about this? That meant her audition would probably be in there...of course it would. But she supposed Team Danganronpa technically owned that now. As well as, all the rest of them...

“Can I see?”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Himiko knew full well how invasive this was of her, how wrong it was to engage with this. 

Yet, her curiosity had overpowered her. And it wasn't exactly as if she could call herself a good person regardless. That's what she kept reminding herself, as she sat next to Tsumugi powering one the television once she had hooked the dvd player up to it. 

As she did, out chimed that old familiar tune. The classic Danganronpa theme music, it had played over all fifty three seasons, each with a slightly different spin. Himiko wished she didn't know that. She wished she didn't almost instinctively hum along. 

“You’ve watched all of these?” Himiko asked, Tsumugi nodded. “That’s pretty fucked up.”

“...I know.”

The menu screen came up on screen, and Tsumugi clicked through to the auditions section. 

"Right. Here we are." she explained “...What did you want to see?"

Himiko had already seen the in studio auditions. Well, at least some of them, the Tsumugi in the game had really rubbed them in, cruel as she was.

Now she was here, a button clicked away from it, Himiko realised that she wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to see. It also suddenly became a hell of a lot more real. What was she even getting out of this? Other than satisfying her own curiosity? 

It seemed that Tsumugi had sensed Himiko’s hesitation, and decided to give her a suggestion.

“I could just turn it off?”

“No.” Himiko stopped her “...I don’t care who you start with, I’ll watch them all.”

Yes- if it was Tsumugi's choice, Himiko didn’t have to take accountability...at least, that's how she’d choose to see it. Tsumugi followed Himiko’s instruction, swiping through.

However, she eventually stopped.

“...I don’t feel right showing you any of this.” Tsumugi put down the remote, “It isn’t very nice, I say so from experience.”

Himiko scoffed, frustration bearing over her at the pairs shared indecisiveness. 

“If you get to see them, I have every right. Just start with mine!” 

Tsumugi didn’t respond, only looking to Himiko.

“I said play the damn tape!” Himiko raised her voice, and as such, got her way.

The beeping of the play button chimed, as the theme music halted, and instead played the file entitled ‘Himiko Yumeno- Audition tape.’

_ “Number one twenty six, My name is Himiko Yumeno.” _

There she was. Looking right up at the camera with a smile. It was clear as day how much effort she was putting into trying to look sweet as possible, as her mother had strictly instructed. She was so neat and dressed up, again, a habit forced on her by her mother.

It was the woman's overbearingness that had led her to doing this. Himiko wondered, if she could see her now, what her mother would think. She would probably laugh.

The tune of her own voice too- it was making Himiko feel sick, that false, sickly sweetness.

_ “It's an honour to have been given this opportunity. Im such a big fan of Danganronpa! I...” _

That was the point, Himiko remembered it. So did Tsumugi by the looks of her reaction, or lack there of, as the Himiko on screen paused, and all of a sudden, changed.

_ “...I'm sorry. I have no idea why I'm treating this like any other audition.”  _ The girl chuckled, her tone suddenly not as falsified.  _ “Not that i'm not a huge fan, I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t…” _

She would go on to talk all about her fascination with the executions, and it wasn’t a word of lie. Himiko remembers, staying up late at night, watching compilations of the most gruesome deaths Danganronpa had to offer. She remembered even coming up with that one execution- The  _ Shsl Magicians horrific execution _ . And for that reason, she was given her place.

Why didn't they kill her? Assumed it was probably supposed to be a kick in the teeth of sorts, not that she didn’t deserve it. But this tape, put it as clear for her to see as she needed.

It was her own choice- she came willingly. There was no point in blaming her controlling mother, her abetting friends, not even Team Danganronpa entirely. It was Himiko who applied, who stated she was willing to throw her life away in the name of entertainment, who signed a contractual agreement to hand over said life.

It was her fault she was here. No one else.

It was her burden.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Things continued as they were, though now, Himiko felt a lot less sentimental.

Eventually came the day, she was officially done with school, she had graduated, ready to rid herself of those horrid halls- for good this time.

She had received a congratulatory letter from Team Danganronpa, like some proud parent. It ended up in the bin within minutes of being opened.

It didn’t take away from the experience though. Maki would have been proud too, if she were here.

**_Maki:_ **

**_Hey Himiko, Im sorry, but I think it’s best we cut ties. I wish you luck._ **

It had been a couple of months since Maki had gone for good. From that day on, she wouldn’t pick up Himiko’s calls, nor acknowledge her endless voicemails or texts. Eventually, Himiko had to give up. For her own well being.

Regardless, Himiko didn’t let it weigh her down. She just had to have faith and respect in Maki’s decisions. Perhaps someday, they’ll meet again.

Himiko hopes so.

Over those last few months, a majority of the fifty third series participants had woken up. Thus, certain arguments had come back up. Namely, when Danganronpa was going to make its comeback with the next game, number fifty four. There hadn’t been any news on the nes series yet, other than that it’s in the works. That in itself wasn’t so uncommon, but considering how the last game ended, there was some speculation going around it may not be coming anytime soon. They’re was also debate on the age requirement to apply for the killing game. Protesters had called for the age to be risen. To which when asked, Himiko would have given an astounding yes- if it were not for the legal agreement she had signed pledging to not say a word against the company to the media. Truthfully, the age could never be raised- or Team Danganronpa wouldn’t have any applicants left. The truth was, they targeted a very specific group of vulnerable people- and a majority of them were teenagers who were easily misled. 

But none of that mattered anymore. It was all in the past. It was time that Himiko stopped looking back. She needed to  _ face forward _ , afterall.

There was still something though, Himiko felt it. Like she had something left to do, before she would be satisfied that it was all over...

This afternoon, Himiko sat in this old, dusty cafe, with Tsumugi and Kirumi no less. They had come for afternoon tea- something she couldn’t attest to being a big fan of herself, but was willing to do if it meant she got free cake.

Today's meeting was somewhat of a special occasion. Tsumugi was gushing over the fancy new engagement ring that Kirumi modeled.

“He really didn’t cut back, did he?” Himiko piped in, Kirumi awkwardly nodding.

“Yes...I insisted it wasn’t necessary. But that’s just how Amami is.”

“How sweet!” Tsumugi squealed “I can’t wait for this wedding! It’s going to be like something out of a fairy tail!”

“Now now...It probably won’t be for a while.” 

‘Fairy tail’ may not be the best way to put it. Two childhood friends entering a murder competition together in order to gather enough funds to settle down. Well, apparently, it was something worth going through the slaughter twice to Amami. So Himiko supposed it was somewhat sweet how far they went for each other, though it was definitely not Himiko’s idea of romantic. 

Then again, what did she know about romance?

According to the internets realms of contrived fan fiction, a lot. Himiko had taken a look into that side of the internet once, just to see what it was her name brought up, and then almost immediately decided never again.

_ [Two years earlier you’d be on there reading along. It's only alright when it's someone else, huh?] _

“Himiko.” Tsumugi turned to her “You haven’t drunk your tea.”

Himiko nodded, swirling the cup, it had long since gone cold.

Tsumugi went for the sugar “Is it not sweet enough?”

“Ah, no.” Himiko instinctively held an arm up, blocking Tsumugi from her cup. “I'm just not the biggest fan of tea is all.”

“Well….whatever.” Tsumugi quickly changed the subject back to Kirumi. “I can’t get over that ring, it's just so-”

_ “Beautiful. It’s beautiful.” _

Himiko turned in the direction of the voice, seeing who it had come from.

Miu Iruma stood over her, smiling widely.

“You're an hour late…” Tsumugi pointed out, as Miu dropped herself down in the seat beside Kirumi.

“Yeah yeah, yank my damn chain.” Miu cracked her neck, before turning to Kirumi. “So that fuckers got you up the duff? Good for you.”

_ [Translation- “Congratulations on your engagement.”] _

Himiko’s eyes rolled, seemingly catching Miu’s attention, who only gave a huff of dismissal in return.

“I don’t know about that.” Kirumi protested “But thank you, Miu.”

“Awe, you don’t have to deny it! What’d you have to do for that fat rock?”

That was Miu Iruma, in all her glory. The persona was so evidently forced, yet she refused to let it up. Himiko wondered if it was always a part of her personality, rather than something Team Danganronpa instilled in her and she was too embarrassed to stop. Though honestly, she deducted it was probably the latter.

Slowly but surely, Himiko had seen more and more of her old classmates wake up. A majority of them having no home to go back to. In addition to being branded as celebrities without the financials to back it up, they had very little choice with what to do with the rest of their lives.

Himiko hadn’t even considered what it was she wanted to do… yet, she had promised to keep looking ahead. Whatever it was, she knew she had to do something.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


It wasn’t too long later that a call came.

Himiko honestly hadn’t been expecting it. That afternoon, she was just helping Tsumugi with the dishes, when the woman stopped to pick up the phone.

“Hello?...Yes, this is she...yes...I see...hold on.”

As the conversation had gone on, Tsumugi had paused, turning towards Himiko and holding it out to her.

“I think...You should be the one to hear this.”

Himiko looked to Shirogane for a moment, something in her hesitant to take the call. Whatever it was, something didn’t feel right, and the expression on Tsumugi's face further emphasized that.

Shaking off the washing gloves into the soapy water, Himiko stepped towards the phone, shakily taking it from Tsumugi’s pale hand. She laced her finger into the cord, as she put up the speaker to her ear. Himiko took in a deep swallow, and then a breath, readying herself to speak.

“Hello?”

_ “Ah- yes, Miss Yumeno. I do believe we’ve met, but in case you don’t recall, Im Dr Y Matsuda…” _

The doctor went on, explaining his role far too thoroughly, especially since she knew his role in the neurology department very well at this point. After he went on with this pointless rambling, Himiko couldn’t help but grow uninterested by his dull tone.

_ “Anyway! Enough about that! In regards to Miss Chabashira-” _

“Yes?” Himiko’s interest was immediately reengaged at that drop, of course it did, it was  _ Tenko _ .

_ “As I began to explain to Miss Shirogane, we were playing a waiting game here, she had been having minimal bursts of consciousness…” _

It felt surreal, Himiko couldn’t describe it. The adrenaline of the excitement she felt, for that single moment, all swept away by a sudden sickliness, emptying her lungs.

‘Were’...and ‘had’...

_ “Unfortunately, a couple of hours ago, the shock put her into cardiac arrest. We wanted to let you know we’re doing everything we can afford to.” _

“Everything you can… afford to?”

_ “It’s… a similar situation to Miss Akamatsu, odds aren’t in her favour, but there's still a fighting chance.” _

Himiko had to steady herself. How...was she supposed to feel? Why the hell had they called? Everything they could ‘afford to do’? What the hell does that mean?!

But Himiko had to remind herself, this wasn’t  _ the Tenko Chabashira.  _ It was just the husk upon which she had been created…

That logic was sickening, Himiko had never known it more.

Besides that- she could feel herself trembling, over what was essentially a stranger. The Tenko Chabashira Himiko knew, was still bleeding out on the broken wooden floorboards of the Ultimate academy.

The image resurfaced in Himiko’s mind. The cage flying across the room, Kiyo yelling at her to stand back. And all the blood.

But it was over now. Himiko was facing forwards, leaving everything in the past, all of those memories were meaningless…

_ “Tenko’s death was meaningless? How dare you!” _

_ Himiko yelled out to Ouma, who raised his brow, smirk growing with his usual cruelty.  _

_ “It’s not meaningless-” _

That Himiko's words...she’d be furious right now…

Tenko Chabashira was Himiko's friend, whether she had let her know when she was alive or not. But this Himiko, here and now...

She didn’t want to be the next Shuichi Saihara. Dying over someone he never knew.

_ [But don’t you want the chance to know?] _

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


The night went on, and minutes felt like hours.

Dr Matsuda had made it clear that it could be weeks before he could tell them anything new, good or otherwise.

Tenko was amongst the participants with a listed next of kin, so they weren’t at the top of the list for this information. Though truthfully, it was a relief to know there were people there to hold Danganronpa responsible for any possible foul play.

_ [Knowing them, they’re hoping she flatlines so they can host another PR fueled funeral.] _

Tsumugi sipped on her Tea, sat cross legged on the carpet across the long coffee table from Himiko, the two sat in solemn silence.

Himiko had no idea how long they had been sitting there, but she had watched the sun set through the window behind Tsumugi's head, it was now dark in the night. 

“They didn’t tell us.” Himiko began, vocalising her thought, “They didn’t tell us when it happened to Kaede.”

Tsumugi seemed to take a moment, to think before she spoke. “In all honesty. I think that’s because they’ve learnt their lesson.” she looked towards the bathroom door, hinges now oiled.

Himiko still remembered it, all too vividly. Shuichi, limp and cold. I hadn’t been the first dead body she had seen, but it was the first time she had seen somebody who had done it to themself. At least so brutally. 

It was only one of a gallery she now had. A gallery of vomit inducing illusions she would relive every time she tried to close her eyes. How lovely.

The room had quickly fell back to silence. It was clear, neither Tsumugi nor Himiko wanted to go to bed, nor did either of them have any idea what to say to one another. It was something Himiko had gotten all to use to, but right now, the anxiety filling the room was thick enough to cut with a knife.

“...Why do I care, Tsumugi?” she had to ask.

“...Why wouldn’t you?” 

“Because Tenko is a stranger.”

The silence returned all too quickly, and Himiko assumed she wasn't going to receive an answer. She supposed that was okay, she already knew.

Yet, Tsumugi did speak again.

“You know, I always thought of you as smarter than that.” she shook her head “Think about it like this: When I first woke up, what did you think? In all honesty?”

Himiko sighed, trying to think of a good way to word what she wanted to say, “In all honesty… right. I sort of thought...that i’d prefer you were dead.”   
  


Tsumugi nodded, seemingly not all that surprised. Himiko nearly vomited as she let the words out, only realising as they did just how cruel they were.

“I mean- I know that isn’t fair- I-”

Tsumugi chuckled, “You hated me because that's how you felt, recalling those memories.” Tsumugi explained, “Regardless of who I was or not- those memories-”

“Those memories were all I could see.”

_ “...That’s why I'm so upset now...I should have faced Tenko, worked things out with her while she was still alive. But now...It’s too late… I can’t complain to her, or thank her…” _

“I never got to thank her…” Himiko’s eyes widened, as she looked to Tsumugi “I’ll never get the chance to thank her.”

Tsumugi was right, and it was Himiko thinking it so… that's a lot. 

Whether it's fiction or not, the feelings were real…

Watching her classmates die, one by one...each of them were real...and they still are. Because those memories survived.

That was what Shuichi made them believe in. It’s what Himiko had to believe in. Even if he himself had lost sight of it.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


A few days later, the news had hit.

Himiko had heard it on the radio, and the dibellief set her adrenaline running. Whilst she had been asleep? Surely not...

She quickly checked the latest news bulletins on her phone, and there it was.

**‘TEAM DANGANRONPA: TENKO CHABASHIRA WAKES UP FROM COMATOSE’**

“Tsumugi!” she rushed across the hall, busting into the other girls room, who was currently in the middle of getting dressed. Himiko struggled to care or notice, as Tsumugi shrieked, falling back and tugging her shirt down over her body.

“Himiko! What the-”

“It’s Tenko!” Himiko grinned wide “It’s actually Tenko…”

“Tenko? Tenko!” Tsumugi returned the smile “That's great!”

It was only a few seconds later, the phone started ringing in the kitchen. Before Tsumugi could say a word more to her, Himiko was rushing into the room, grabbing it off the wall.

“Team Danganronpa right? We already know.” Himiko buzzed, as she went on, not letting the other person on the line get a word in “When will it be okay for us-”

“Himiko Yumeno. Yeah?” The man on the other end raised his voice, clearly agitated by her chirpiness.

It was then Himiko realised...she’d never heard this voice before, it was usually one of the same three lackys. Usually, they’re a lot more passive aggressive in their tone, or outright cowardly. Immediately, she started to calm down.

“...Who is this.”

There was a moment of silence, in it, something within Himiko...sunk.

“This is Taichi Saihara. Do me a favour and don’t take this personally.” The man continued, “See, the kid asked me to let them know,  _ she doesn’t want to see you _ .”

Tsumugi walked through the doorway, now fully clothed. She looked to Himiko, mouthing concerned ‘what’ as the girl started to word a reply.

“...I see.”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Himiko forced her full body weight down the top of her suitcase, trying to zip it shut.

Tsumugi was nearby, taping up the last of the boxes.

“Himiko…” Tsumugi brought the box in, putting it on top of the pile in the corner of the room. “Are you sure you want to go now, I mean, there’s still a matter of months before-”

“There's no point in sticking around.” Himiko answered, still tugging on the zipper “...I need to move on eventually. Better late than never.”

After a moment, Tsumugi headed over, helping Himiko harshly pull the suitcase shut.

Himiko thanked her, as she got off of the now closed case, looking around the room. This room, she’d been festering in for so long. Every trace of her had been wiped away, just like that.

Soon, there would probably be someone entirely different, calling this there home…

It had nearly been three years now. Since things had wrapped up. Yet Himiko still lived and breathed, the memories from her time in Danganronpa always in the nooks and crannies of her mind. Branded within her head somewhere it could never be removed.

Now she knew, she needed to let it go. This time for good.

“I'm going to miss you…”

“...I’ll miss you too, but still.” Himiko patted her shoulder, softly “We’re always going to be friends.”   
  


Friends. How in God's name had Himiko become friends with Tsumugi, of all people? After spending so loathing the air she breathed, seeing her as nothing but the figurehead of everything she hated. Here the two of them were, friends.

It made Himiko want to laugh, maybe even cry. Things had moved on, and they would keep changing.

Perhaps, it is this friendship that filled her with that false sense of hope. The truth was- Himiko would never get closure on some things. And that was okay. She just had to let go. And move on.

_ “Keep your chin up and live life facing forward! Survive with me and everyone else! If you feel like crying while you're talking to Angie, go ahead and cry your eyes out. You'll feel better when you do. Well, I mean,laughing makes you feel better too. And venting your anger onto something can really cheer you up!” _

Himiko felt it, tears beginning to form, something compelled her not to stop it.

Tsumugi gave her a knowing look, as tears started to fall and she started to sniffle. She felt it- the need to cry- so she let herself cry.

Tsumugi held out her arms, wrapping them around her as a form of comfort.

However long it took to get that feeling out, Himiko allowed herself to sob, until she had no tears left at all.

It had been far too long since she had done that.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Turns out, Job searching took a whole lot longer than Himiko had expected.

To be fair, she had definitely underestimated just how bad her communication skills were, considering how little contact she had outside of a very small circle of people she was familiar with for the last three years of her life.

On top of that, on the off chance someone didn’t recognise her, a quick search on her online through a background check was usually enough to shoot any chance Himiko had at getting hired.

All of this, mixed with her honestly barely average grades. Himiko was only grateful she had the reward money to fund herself. She couldn’t rely on it forever though… It made her wonder how those who didn;t win the money were surviving.

The generous donations had long ended, and with word of Danganronpa being shut down, it was only a matter of time. It seemed himiko was finally getting what she wanted, to be forgotten.

It didn’t stop the stares, or the occasional giddy ‘fan’, but it stopped all the ‘good’ parts of that notability instead. Which, quite frankly, sucked.

Eventually, himiko got a simple job. The pay wasn’t great, but it was something. And it seemed they were so in need that they hadn’t even thought to do a proper background check, at least judging by the fact Danganronpa hadn’t come up once in the interview process.

As the elevator door opened up, Himiko hurried down the hallway, carefully balancing the tray of coffee she was carrying. She checked the time as she hurried past- she had taken at least a few minutes too long. 

"Latte with extra cream, no sugar." Himiko rushed to the desktop, putting down the cup she identified in front of whom had ordered it.

"Please don't take so long next time." the man nodded, as he snatched the cup up to take a sip.

“Sorry.” Himiko apologised. It had been a good two months since Himiko had started working, immediately being put on the coffee run. Considering it was an ad agency, and she had absolutely no experience, she figured that made sense.

This employee in particular seemed to be quite snappy, especially with those on a lower salary. Today he seemed particularly frustrated, tapping his foot incessantly as he tried to focus on his screen.

In an ill thought out moment, Himiko turned back toward him. 

“Is something wrong?”

He looked up from his screen, glaring at Himiko. For a moment, Himiko braced herself to be berated. However, Insead, he seemed to give a breath of defeat.

“Just an assignment, nothing you’d understand.” He looked back to his screen. Himiko nodded, readying to head off, before he spoke again.

“Wait...Can you take a look for me?”

Himiko looked at the screen. Whatever this was...it was a mess. Though it took her a moment, she soon figured out the general idea of what the packaging was for. Himiko almost felt bad, why were they setting a middle aged man the task of branding female sanitary products.

“Have you thought, maybe…” Himiko pointed towards a particular graphic “You should probably Use a different colour, maybe a lighter navy, and go less on the flowers. Some people don’t like their period being associated...” 

The man nodded, clearly taking in everything Himiko was saying. That was until there was the sound of footsteps in the direction of his desk. His neck cranked to see who it was coming- the floor manager. Immediately panicking, the man suddenly changed his attitude with Himiko.

“What are you doing?! Trying to come here and tell me how to do my job?!” The man snapped back, physically shunning her with the raft of an arm “Mind your own business, coffee runner!” 

Himiko nodded, thinking it best she just got out of the way. The man had created quite the show, making sure everyone in the office heard him yelling at her.

As his manager walked over, he gave a harsh shake of the head, ushering towards her.

With a huff of frustration, Himiko got on, giving out the coffee as fast as possible.

It was probably already cold by now…

Himiko wondered how long she’d last.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


After what was just as pain inducingly long a day as any other, Himiko finished her shift. And wasted no time in getting herself out of the office as soon as possible. Before another middle aged professional could even consider ordering her to help her with anything else.

_ [Who knows, maybe you’ll get the added bonus of having it thrown straight back into your face.] _

Himiko wrapped her coat around her tightly, with it being a chilly day. Quite frankly, Himiko wanted nothing more than to get home as soon as possible, to watch whatever was on the news network and eat whatever was microwavable, though knowing her track record that probably wasn’t the best idea.

Things weren’t going as well as Himiko had naively assumed they would. Moving to a completely new city may have been a poor decision on her part. She didn’t know a single person here, and though her group of friends in Towa was near enough non-existent, at least there was always someone to talk to. Or awkwardly sit around with.

This was the first time Himiko had truly lived alone- and it was a whole other ball game. No one was there to check she was alive, reminding her to do things. It was funny to her, considering she was what? Twenty now? Most people her age had way more experience than her.

She knew that was her own fault though…

Whether it had been being lost in thought as she made her way down the street, or just general disregard for what she was doing. Himiko suddenly realised she could hear the aggressive chiming of a bell.

It took her a moment to realise this was a bike bell. You know, the ones people have on bikes? To alert you that they are coming?!

Shooting her head backward, Himiko saw the front wheel pedding towards her, she made a dive onto the road. Alas, it was too late.

Himiko felt the wheel hit her ankle, causing her to faceplant as the bike flew forwards.

She jumped up, face coated in a layer of grime from the road, as the rider of said bike jumped off of it, letting it fly forwards straight in the direction of a car. A  _ very _ expensive looking car.

At the moment of the collision, Himiko made a light hiss at the loud noise.

“Oh shit...oh...Shiiiit!”

As he jumped up, the man hurried towards his bike. He was clearly freaking out, but why wouldn’t he?! The dent in that car's frame work was horrendous. 

Lumbering his bike away from the wreck he had just made, he seemed to consider his best option to jump back onto his bike and make a break for it. A hit and run? Very classy.

However, he seemed to remember the girl he had just knocked over in the process, looking down towards her momentarily.

“I'm sorry! Are you alright?” He looked her over, perhaps just a little too thoroughly. Then he seemed to come to some sort of realisation. Himiko could guess what.

“Oh my God!”

His voice creaked out squeakily. Himiko got prepared to give the usual ramble; Yes, she was the ultimate magician. No, you couldn’t have her autograph...etc. But as she did, she realised there was something familiar about this man.

Slender build. Jet black hair. Sharpened teeth…

_ [Oh] _

_ [Oh my god] _

“Kazuichi Soda?!” 

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


“You scared the crap out of me back there...from how small you are, I thought I’d hit a kid!”

Himiko didn’t respond, she simply gave Kazuichi a cold look, raising her brows. He seemed to realise she didn’t quite find that last part funny, curling his lips, as if thinking he’d better keep his mouth shut.

After his little...accident, Kazuichi had asked himiko to come with him to a cafe. After making a quick getaway, of course. It was incredibly irresponsible, but quite frankly, Himiko supposed that it was very little of her concern.

It was about as awkward as one would expect, neither really having anything to say, being complete strangers. Though Himiko supposed they had one thing in common, she wouldn’t be the one to bring it up.

“Well, is your ankle okay?” Kazuichi asked, receiving a nod from Himiko. With it being a step up in conversation, he decided to ask another question. 

“So, how long have you been in town?” 

As the waiter brought over the water they had asked for, Himiko took a healthy gulp to clear her throat.

“A couple of months.” She answered, as he nodded.

“I don’t blame you.” He looked over his shoulder for a moment, before looking back “Towa is swarming, being Danganronpa’s main hive...most of us decided to run away.”

Himiko recalled the first few weeks that she left Towa city. She hadn’t exactly given any notice. Her phone was berated by them, asking where she had gone, trying to convince her to return. After a while, they seemed to give up...from the sound of it they are probably used to it by now.

It’s true, there are always a couple. One or two who stay in the spotlight.

Everyone remembered names like Sonia Nevermind, influencers who used their clout to become spokespeople. They remained relevant enough to star on talk shows on a weekly basis years down the line. Danganronpa being seen as their humble set off. But then, it’s others who just seemed to...disappear.

No. Everyone who applied for Danganronpa wanted to be the next Sonia Nevermind, Makoto Naegi, maybe even become as infamous as Junko Enoshima some day. It’s only after the fact they realised just what in God's name they had signed up for.

“You haven't changed a lot since I saw you on tv. Spose’ it wasn’t all that long ago though, huh?” 

"I hardly recognized you." Kazuichi chucked at Himiko, scratching the nook of his neck.

“Yeah…” He agreed, clearly somewhat embarrassed as he averted eye contact, “I wasn’t exactly a fan of the whole fashion statement they gave me in that game.” 

“You weren’t?! Did you see me?” Himiko blurted out, which seemed to make Kazuichi laugh.

  
“Yeah, at least your whole witch gimmick was cute.”

It was incredibly hard to believe this was the same Kazuichi Soda that had been in the infamous Super Danganronpa two. At least on a first glance. Now that Himiko had spent some time with him, she had come to the conclusion it was definitely him. He just looked so...normal. He seemed like your everyday businessman. Bar the sharpened teeth, which she supposed there was very little he could do about. Still, he didn’t seem all that extravagant, his eyes were a dark brown, his hair black and soft looking. Had it not been for the years that Himiko had spent watching repeats of the show nonstop, she would have probably never even thought he seemed familiar.

“Towns like these are perfect for people like us. We all seem to end up out here, you know.” He explained, “Not a lot of the people here seem to notice you, nor care for shows like Danganronpa.” He smiled as the words left him “We get a chance at a normal life… I don’t know about you, but that’s all that I want.”

Normalcy. Truthfully, Himiko had wanted normalcy from day one, but she never considered it possible where she was. Why did she decide applying for a killing competition would help? Well, that was something Himiko would very much like to have a conversation about with her sixteen year old self.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Around Winter time that year, Himiko got herself fired. Whether it was that she didn’t bring the coffee hot enough, her face was annoying or they just didn’t need her anymore, Himiko hadn’t bothered to ask. She probably should have, but quite frankly as soon as her manager had asked her to leave, she was out of there.

It was only once she was home, Himiko realised Redundancy pay was a thing. Perhaps, had she made more of an effort to communicate she would have been able to get some money- 

That's when Himiko realised why they probably ‘had to let her go’.

Still, this left Himiko unemployed. And whilst this wasn't an absolutely dire situation, considering who Himiko was. She knew she had to go out and get some other kind of work...anything.

Relying on Team Danganronpa’s paycheck? It wasn't something Himiko could stomach, at least on principle.

Speaking of that corporation- It was around this time that a big announcement had been made, Team Danganronpa’s fifty fourth game, and comeback had been cancelled. Why? Well, they had only gone bankrupt almost overnight. What exactly happened? Himiko wasn’t sure, she didn’t even care, it was something to be celebrated in her book. No matter what. After years of being allowed to get away with multiple horrors, the place finally shut its doors for good. It only cost over seven hundred young adults wellbeing for them to get that comeuppance.

Out of those seven hundred, about twenty two percent had died within two years of the game they appeared in. The blood trail dragging behind Danganronpa’s back seemed to have finally been acknowledged by the press, the news stance having noticeably changed.

And a celebration there was.

Himiko...hadn’t ever really been to a proper party, at least not since she was in high school for the first time. She didn’t really have much idea what adults did at parties. But Kazuichi had convinced her to show. 

Music blared loudly from the house, as Himiko stepped reluctantly up to the doorway. She tried to bring herself to knock, but part of her held back momentarily.

“Oh, are you not going in, sweetie?”

Himiko turned, only to see yet another recognisable face.

“Your...Ruruka Andou!”

“Yeah. And your Himiko Yumeno.” She held out a hand, which Himiko shaked after a moment of confusion. “We all know each other here, even if it's the first time we actually get to meet.” she dug into her pocket, pulling out a packet of cigarettes.

“Do you smoke?”

Himiko shook her head, as Ruruka nodded, taking one out for herself.

“Feel free to stick around, for the second hand lung cancer.” She looked back to the door “Or...you could get over yourself and actually go inside. Your call.”

Himiko took the hint, turning back to the door ready to knock. However, before she could even make contact with the door, it swung open, a clearly not-so-sober Kazuichi greeting her.

“Himiko! My little friend! You gotta get in here.” He grabbed her hand, dragging her through the doorway into the main hall. 

The rest of that night was...bizarre. There were so many familiar faces, practically everyone at this party was someone who had once been affiliated with Team Danganronpa, and every one of them were having the time of their life celebrating the end. It became incredibly clear, incredibly quickly, everyone knew exactly who she was, and she knew exactly who they were. Being in a room of people she idolised so much as a teenager, and all of them recognising her as one of them. It should have been a dream come true, she would have thought. But now, Himiko understands the one thing that connects them all. The acknowledging smiles, they're full of pain filled empathy.

But tonight, it was all over.

That was worth losing your mind over.

It was later, Himiko had spotted Miu, and had ended up joint to her by the hip for the entire party. Partly from her own awkwardness, but also because her friend was very clearly taking on way more than she could handle. 

Himiko turned out to be completely right. As the party started to draw to a close, most of those around having left, Himiko found herself in the downstairs bathroom, holding Miu’s messy hair back as she threw back up everything she’d just drank. Safe to say, Himiko was revising all of the decisions that had led her here, whilst trying to hold her breath and avoid that horrific stench.

Eventually, Miu finished up, much to Himiko's relief. As she let her hair go. But then, Himiko realised Miu was half asleep.

“Miu...you better not.”

Her head drooped down, as a little snort escaped her.

“...Great.” Himiko took in a deep breath of frustration, before gagging from the putrid aura coming from what had just poured from Miu’s throat.

Himiko...didn’t really know what to do, but she hazarded a guess. Laying miu down on the floor, on her side. She was about eighty five percent sure that was what she was supposed to do. Either way, it was all she was doing at this point, she headed out of the toilet, back into the main room. 

Kazuichi had given her permission to stay, if she needed to. Himiko planned to take advantage of that. Mostly because her ride home was Tsumugi, who she currently had no idea where to find. Correction, who she couldn’t be bothered to go and find.

The lounge was a lot quieter than it had been earlier in the night, with it now being the early hours of the morning. Most people had started to disperse, but there were still a few people, lazing around. Not that Kazuichi seemed to at all mind, the last time she had seen him tonight.

Himiko plopped down onto an empty bean bag, in the corner of the room. Simply taking a moment to herself amongst the gentle chatter.

It was then, the next song began to play on the speaker system. For a moment, Himiko was confused, they had gone from upbeat pop to piano...why was this on the playlist.

The room fell silent to Himiko, as the piece continued. Soon, she realised what was playing.

Clair de lune, by Debussy. It was a piece Kaede had mentioned, a piece that she held a lot of admiration for. Shuichi had played it so many times. Late nights when he couldn’t sleep, early morning when it was far too cold to go for a walk, whenever there was a silence that needed to be filled. Himiko remembers it so well, every note on the piano she can see coming, as the tune speeds up and becomes more and more chaotic, only to fall once more, then grow incessantly, against the odds. And then, there’s peace again, the rhythm slows.

As the music slowed, Himiko felt it. As if this weight was lifted. As if she could breathe easily, everything else fell away. All from the gentle sounds of the keys. It was a peaceful sensation, one Himiko could enjoy forever. If only it were that simple.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


The next day, Himiko wasn’t quite sure what to do with herself.

She knew she had to get herself back onto her feet, she should start looking for a job as soon as possible.

But for just one day, she wanted to relax. Take a break from the world around her.

In addition, she had a killer headache, consequence from the night before. The second she got home, she collapsed into her bed, trying to get some sleep. Any sleep.

But the heat of the morning sun radiating through her window was making it near impossible to, the heat making it just as hard to get comfortable, as she kept shifting, trying to.

And as if deliberately, the second she actually did manage to get relaxed, her phone started buzzing.

She hissed, picking up her phone to see who it was bothering her. Only to see the number displayed.

Well, it wasn’t as if she was going to get settled again now.

Himiko picked up, holding the phone to her ear.

“...Hello, Maki.”

_ “Himiko. It’s...good to hear from you.” _

Himiko composed herself, to continue the conversation.

“...Yeah.”

It was slow between the two, seemingly a momentary pause between the two each time one spoke. It was uncomfortable, as it had been ever since maki had gotten back into contact. Neither seemed to remember how to talk to the other.

_ “I heard the news, about Team Danganronpa. I take it you're as glad as me.” _

“...Yeah, of course.”   
  


_ “...Yeah.” _

…

_ “I also heard that Kirumi is supposed to be getting married next year. I'm not sure why she invited me, but...I think I can pull a few strings.” _

Himiko nodded, despite the fact Maki couldn’t see it. 

“...Maki?”

_ “Yeah, Himiko?” _

Himiko paused for yet another moment, momentarily not wanting to ask- for fear of an answer. But, deep down, she knew she needed it.

“Once you’re out of prison, do you think we’ll ever go back to the way we were?”

Maki’s voice back croaked, as she struggled to respond.

_ “I...couldn’t want anything more.” _ _  
  
_

She suddenly stopped, her breaths could be heard down the phone, the pain in her voice so sincere and vulnerable, it was enough to physically hurt Himiko.

_ “Which is why i'm so- im so sorry, Himiko I… I-” _

“Don’t be sorry.” Himiko commanded down the phone, before even thinking “Because it’s all going to be okay...”

It was rare, Himiko ever heard Maki so weak, as she began weeping down the phone, struggling to word her sentences. And Himiko felt that exact same pain along with her, that exact same regret.

_ “...Thank you-” _

Maki sounded as if she were about to say more, but the muffled speech of someone else on the other line clued Himiko in, she wasn’t going to be able to.

_ “Himiko. I’ve got to go. But please look after yourself, okay?” _

“Of course.” Himiko tried to mask her emotion, as she said goodbye. “And you have to as well.”   
  


_ “I promise-” _

And with that, the crackling, dinging of the line being cut signaled the end of the call. As Himiko sat, taking a moment to go through it all, before getting herself up.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


After a while, Himiko figured getting out for some fresh air would do her headache some good. She stepped out, in the bright morning glow onto the street. 

There was a gentle breeze, brushing against Himiko as she made her way down the street. As she walked, she noticed an old moving van on the other side of the road, which explained the loud noise that had been keeping Himiko up. The heat coming from the engine was enough to choke Himiko of air, even from a distance. 

As the van drove away, out of the avenue, Himiko could see the pile of boxes that had been stacked out behind it. On top of one, a slender black cat had pounced, now staring directly toward Himiko. Something about it drew Himiko in...to follow.

Himiko made her way towards the feline, who still gave her a look of caution. As she crouched down, the cat jumped down from the boxes, towards the warm hand she held out. Now close enough to deem her as harmless, it nuzzled it’s furry chin against her palm, purring in approval.

The cat stayed like this, until it was alerted by the sound of footsteps that someone was coming their way. As it turned around, it ran towards the figure, darting through their legs away from Himiko.

As Himiko looked up, towards this person in front of her, she was sure that her eyes must be deceiving her. But no matter how many times she blinked, how many times she tried to snap herself back into reality, her vision remained the same. 

  
  
  


The woman standing in front of her was Tenko Chabashira.

**Author's Note:**

> Just an explanation for this fic - I originally wrote it in 2017, however looking back it was...absolutely horrifically written, and I hated some of my choices with the plot. Therefor I decided to rewrite it and fix the things I wish I had done differently. I suggest you don't try and find the old fic, but I can't stop you since I orphaned it. 
> 
> Either way, thank you so much for reading this version. This is the first part of what i'm estimating will be around a four Part series. But please be patient.
> 
> Thanks again <3


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